In The Shadow Of The Carver
by Sheri.Sweet
Summary: While Sean weaponed with a gun waits for the Carver fullfilling his threat to come and murder him the mad killer has pretty different plans. He overcomes the unsuspectingly sleeping Christian in his bed and... Post 2.16
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Comment: This story starts directly after the horrible end of episode 2.16 (Joan Rivers) - it was written shortly after the episode airs and a long time before the identity of the carver was revealed in the show._

Merciless the blade stroke down - an execution axe like - unstoppable and devastating. It was destined to cause harm - pain and suffering. The razor-blade-sharp steel screamed for blood, wanted to taste of the flesh and the fear of its victim taking pleasure of it... enjoy.

In unbelievable scare Christian starred at the approaching weapon, unable to move or even to let the scream out which grew deep inside his chest. He was afraid - afraid beyond belief - and it was a fear he'd never felt before in his whole life.

Abruptly the Carver stopped in the middle of the move, only a second before the blade would have cut skin, muscles and nerves without a thought. He pressed the knife into the flesh so it caused a trench like cavity on Christian's cheek. Slowly and silently the white stiff mask which the carver used to wear bowed down over his victim. He turned his head taking an interested look on the paralyzed features of the surgeon and his eyes widened by fear.

Christian was expecting his torturer to say something but he remained silent. He kept on studying him with his eyes Christian couldn't see, tortured him from a reason he couldn't understand. How could one person be so mad?

"Beauty is a curse on the world!" the tuned voice announced monotonous while he let the knife slowly and delightfully glide over Christian's skin. Instantly the cut began to bleed, drops gathered to small red lakes who finally in small streams ran down his face. "It keeps us from seeing who the real monsters are."

The pain let Christian wince inside. He wasn't able to think. There was just one sentence always repeating in his head - "Let it be over fast! Please let it be over fast!"

When he had finished his work the Carver stopped and inspected the blood that was shimmering on the blade. Then he looked at Christian again. "Your friend didn't listen to my warning. He should have earned his lesson. Just like you, you fool! You vandals destroy my art, you turn people to dolls. You're desecrating the beauty of nature. I will no longer accept this." He audibly breathed in an out a few times, eyed Christian again. He seemed to think.

His quiet snoring breath echoed in Christians ears and caused a unbearable noise inside his head. If only he could have moved... but this torpor and helplessness drove him crazy... and the certainty that he wasn't able to do a thing to keep him from whatever he planned next. When he realized that the carver put aside the bed covering and with his free hand devotionally stroke his chest panic overcame him. NO! Anything, but not that. Please... don't...

But no one heard his silent plea, which was only reflected by his eyes.

The carver went on without haste and seemed obviously to like the game - it turned him on. He let the end of the knife slowly glide over the shirt down to his slip, provokingly he let it slip under the clothes and with a fast cut he got rid of it.

Impatiently he grabbed Christian and turned him around on his front. He put the knife aside on the bed and appreciative caressed his backside. Then he started to open his pants.

"No!" Christian screamed inside. "Please don't! Not that! Please! Why doesn't anybody help me?"


	2. Chapter 2

There was not a hint that Sean McNamara was not sleeping - but he was awake and starring into the darkness. Millions of thoughts ran through his mind - the memory of the last few days and weeks - everything that had such a big influence on what he called his life today. He thought of Julia and the kids, on Christian and the practice. But all this was still threatened by the Carver. He had promised to come back and kill Sean if he dared to treat another victim of the psychopath... and exactly that's what he'd done.

The cool steel of the revolver in his hand was giving him at least a bit of security and made him believe he was able to face the threat. He'd just have to be prepared. He'd just have to wait.

Why didn't he come?

Hadn't he even left the door unlocked, after Christian had left?

Christian...

Suddenly there was this thought on his mind. Wasn't also his friend in danger? Was there a chance that the Carver could a well choose him as aim? Did this make any sense? Yes, also Christian had agreed to take part in the operations - except the last one, but would that make the Carver choose to kill his friend instead of him? No, that didn't make any sense.

On the other hand the psychopath had never killed somebody, just hurt... in his insane fight against the "Curse of beauty!" - what mania.

Sean sighed and shut is eyes. But he wasn't able nor wanted to sleep. The impatience and insecurity nearly drove him crazy. Why didn't this bloody bastard just come for he'd get the chance to end it - once and for all.

How about giving Christian a call? Just to be sure. Just to know that he was doing fine.

He got up the gun still in his hand went over to the phone and pressed the shortcut key for Christian's number. While he listened to the sound in the receiver he took a deep breath to try and get rid of this restlessness. The tone seemed unnaturally clear and loud this time. Once... Twice... Three times - now at the latest Christian would have answered the call - usually. He knew that his friend always hurried to pick it up, even when he'd been asleep he instantly was awake. Why not now?

Four times... Five times...

Nothing...

Six times...

Sean's nervosity threatened to take control over him. There was something wrong.

Seven times...

Maybe he should call 911.

He cancelled the connection and dialed again.

Once... Twice... Three times...

**

...

**

An unwilling groan came from the Carver's mouth when he stopped and looked over to the phone on the night table. When it started ringing the second time he decided to give up his intend. He was not willing to risk to be caught.

If anybody would become suspicious because of Christian not reacting and by chance show up and check if everything was ok... or even call the police. He knew, that Sean was on a security trip ever since he'd attacked him and that was only one of the reasons why he'd chosen Troy to be his next victim - and the better way to impress Sean and make clear he was serious.

Reluctantly he gave Christian free, put on his pants and turned his victim on his back again. He bowed over him and took a look at his face, but Christian's eyes seemed glassy and absent.

"You can not get away - accept it. Reality will take you over." he said devoutly. "It's a pity I don't have more time to enjoy you... well. I'm gonna make it easier for you not to refuse my order.. Just to prevent you could be tempted to do so - like your friend. I hate, when someone tries to force me to end a life. I DO NOT want to, but if one of you both compels me... when I have to come back someone is going to die. For now learn from it..."

He pressed Christians Arm up and back so that he was offered the inside of his upper arm, then he lifted the blade before Christians eyes, starring at him with defiance. Still he could see the fear in it along with panic and anger... hate - a raging cauldron of emotions -overwhelmed by fascination the Carver paused for a moment.

Then he slowly lowered the knife, placed it in the middle of the upper arm at the biceps and then pulled it down in a forceful motion. The steel cut deep into the muscles, divided everything what dared to step into its disastrous way.

Christian shivered inside when the pain flew through his body like burning lava. He wanted to scream loud, but he couldn't - not even that. Tears gathered in his eyes, then rolled down his cheek. When would the pain finally end? When would all this end? Why didn't the Carver simply kill him and instead took pleasure from his suffering? Christian thought to loose his mind. The world around was turning, he noticed, how the sheets got soaked with his own comfortingly warm blood.

Once again the Carver held the knife before Christians face so that he could see his own blood shining dark red in the moonlight, threateningly bowed over him with his white mask and mumbled "Don't forget my words." Then he turned away and vanished - as quiet and fast as he'd come.

For a Moment Christian listened if he would come back but there was not a sound except the fast beat of his heart. He calmed down a little bit. Fear and panic were replaced by a feeling of tiredness and resignation. It took awhile until he finally got back control over his mind.

He couldn't believe that what he'd just gone through was real. Surely he'd wake up soon and find out it was only a bad dream - a nasty nightmare - the worst nightmare of his whole life.

But the more time passed by the more he realized that it was not a dream at all. Still he felt the wet blood on the sheets below him; the pulsating ache on the cuts and a light trembling of his muscles let him assume that his body slowly overcame the paralyzing effect of the injection.

He also felt sickness. To realize his situation combined with the tiredness by the loss of blood was too much for him. Maybe he'd bleed to death. Then at least it was over... everything... forever... the nightmare he called his life

His entire body felt like an arm fallen asleep - when live rushes back in it and it feels like pins and needles. It gave him hope to be able to call help. He concentrated and tried to move. At first nothing happened but then his left arm twitched a little, then his left leg, the right... and finally he was able to turn his head.

Measuring he looked over to the phone on the night table next to him. When only he could reach it and call 911...

He took a deep breath and tried to get some swing to turn on his side and take the receiver. A sharp pain went through his hurt arm when he turned on it and he didn't even try to hold the scream back. Because he didn't have enough control on his left arm he threw the phone from the table and it fell to the floor making a terrible loud noise.

"Sht!" he silently cursed and tried to calm down. He looked over to the telephone on the floor. It had to be possible to make his body do what he wanted.

He tried to let his legs slip out of the bed but he got to much hang to the border and slid off. He fell from the bed and hardly touched the ground with his face forward because he wasn't able to catch himself. For a moment he just kept lying, trying to ignore the pain. What had he done to be punished that hard? Anger grew up inside of him - enough of it to set free an extra amount of energy to be able to get the phone.

The triumph he'd felt at first vanished when he heard an unhealthy clacking sound and a moment later he was sure - it was broken. With an exhausted sigh he closed his eyes. That was so not to be true.

He looked over to the door. Could he make it to the kitchen? To the next phone?

Try at least. Otherwise his fate was sealed. Even now he felt the weakness from the loss of blood, the tiredness and dizziness. If he wanted to survive he had to do this.

More crawling then walking he moved forward over the floor leaving a bloody trace. It took all of his energy to do so but shortly before his hand touched the door handle the world around him turned black...

And with the confidence, that he hadn't made it, he lost consciousness and fell down an very deep and very dark hole...


	3. Chapter 3

With outstretched disinfected hands Sean stepped into the operation room and stopped for a moment to take a look at his friend lying there.

He didn't want to think about what might have happened if the police hadn't found him - just in time. Only a few minutes later and Christian would have died from the loss of blood. Just because HE had wanted to be brave. The certainty, that his friend supposedly just was lying there because he, Sean, had tempted the Carver was almost more than he could take.

Sean gave himself a start. He had to concentrate - for Christian, and he would do anything possible to prevent long term consequences and as far as the cut in his face he was confident. For the gaping wound on Christian's arm he was not able to make any prediction. That was why he'd consulted Dr. Sarah Lightfoot, a skilled orthopaedic surgeon who had specialized on injuries of the extremities and earned some reputation as specialist. He'd met her on a conference a year ago and was very impressed. Maybe she was able to help.

"Has he been awake before the narcosis?" he asked Liz.

She shook her head. "No he's been unconscious all the time. Maybe it's the best right now. He's got 3 units of blood; I have 8 more in supply,"

"Very well. There's a chance we'll need more. It's going to be a long night." Sean sighed.

"What did the specialist, you called, say? Will she come?" Liz seemed worried.

Sean nodded. "She promised to come immediately.. I'm glad she does. If I would do the job I'm not sure Christian could ever use his arm the same as before. However.." He pointed on the tablet with the instruments. "We're going to start with his arm. When Dr. Lightfoot shows up I'm going to take care of Christian's face."

**

...

**

"Excuse me... hello, miss? Are you going to the operation room? Miss?"

Inspector Miller hurried to catch up with the self-conscious seeming attractive woman before she could disappear to the restricted area he was not supposed to enter.

"That's what I was up to" Sarah stated and took an extensive look at the man, while she tied back her long black hair into a ponytail. "Why do you ask? Can I tell Dr. McNamara something?"

"That would be nice, miss..." Miller tried to find some nameplate, like nurses usually wore.

"Lightfoot... Dr. Dr. Sarah Lightfoot" Sarah smirked when she recognized that he was desperately searching for her name without looking too long at her breast.

"I'm supposed to perform the surgery on Dr. Troys" She noticed the man's surprised face, waited for another moment then turned away to continue her way. "I hope you understand that I may not lose time. Best might be you wait until Dr. McNamara is coming out himself."

"What? Uhm... no... no, wait..." Miller gave her an embarrassed grin. " I just was surprised that such a beautiful woman is a doctor... even two times... excuse me. I wanted to ask you whether you could remind Dr. McNamara that there is a chance his partner... that Dr. Troy was raped."

He took out his police badge and showed it to Sarah. "I'm inspector Miller by the way. We found him without his underwear... his underpants have obviously been sliced by a knife. We acquired it as evidence and we need him to take a tissue test to be sure."

Sarah looked at the officer in shock, but then she nodded before she hurried to get to the operation room and start working.

He had been raped, she thought while she prepared fort he operation. What kind of ill person could do something so cruel to somebody else? What did it mean to a man to be abused? Did they feel the same as women..? Was it as horrible for them?

A short time later she entered the operation room - completely dressed in blue - and let a nurse assist her with putting on gloves. Her pretty face was covered by a mask when she stepped next to Sean.

"Sarah Lightfoot. I hope you forgive me for not shaking hands with you, Dr. McNamara."

She took a look at the large cut on Christian's arm which was so deep, she could see his bone shimmer through.

"My god, this goes down to the bone, and it's a dangerous area. Is this an accident or did the guy who did this to him know where to cut to make sure Dr. Troy will never be able to use his arm again? Before I forget - outside there is an inspector waiting for a testing... because of the rape.."

She gave Sean a questioning look. "Should I take one? Or assist?"

"I'd say you take care of Christian's arm while I treat the facial wound. Thank you for coming, Dr. Lightfoot. I can't say how glad I am... " He stepped aside to make room for her.

Then he turned to the nurse. "Mary, would you please bring the tissue test I made earlier to the officer who's waiting outside. He needn't tell his assumptions everybody he can get hold of." he said with a hint of anger in his voice. "And please tell him I found no obvious hint for his speculations. Thank you."

He gave Sarah a smile. "Excuse me. This is nothing personal but I think that this officer is not supposed to tell those things that freely. Hey knew I would take care of it, but because of understandable reasons I forgot to give him the tests instantly. Now... as far as our patient... I think that the carver meant to hurt Christian that way that he will not be able to do surgery ever again. He desperately wants to hinder us to treat the pitiful victims he calls art. He already attacked me.. now Christian." He cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a second. "Do you think, you can completely restore his arm?"

"Well... now... when I can find and fix the nerves and tendons accurately, then blood vessels and muscle tissue... maybe. The nerves will be the biggest problem because he'll need it to control his arm and regain the fine motor skills if he wants to operate again."

She didn't try to hide her concerns. "It will be a long operation and an even longer way for him to go. I can't promise that he's going to be the same as before, or that he will ever be able to do surgery again, but I will do what I can. I hope he's strong enough to handle this long surgery because every second counts while the nerves and tendons contract more and more. Already now I have to cut a good way to it."

She twinkled at Sean optimistically and to a scalpel. "Now let's begin, Dr. McNamara..."

Everything had its pros and cons as Sarah realized once again. Christian had strong tendons and the chance the sutures would last was high. Still - exactly those strong tendons made it extremely hard for her to fix them.

Seven hours, twenty six minutes and uncountable stiches later Sarah put the instruments away after rejoining the muscle tissue, and made room for Sean to do the rest.

"Well, Dr. McNamara, now it's your turn. I'm afraid when I'll do it, he keeps a large ugly scar. Besides I have to admit that my fingers hurt. I need a break."

Sean nodded appreciating. "You've done a great job, Dr. Lightfoot. I can't say often enough how grateful I am..." He himself had done all he could to assure that the cut in Christian's face would not leave any remarkable scars and after he had finished he watched Sarah and assisted her while he tried to pick up some new techniques. "I think I'm gonna need another thirty minutes. Would you like to take a coffee with me after that? That way you could inform me about how the aftercare is going to look like."

Sarah glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry, but I have an important appointment later this morning. A student of mine has is doing a surgery and I want to have an eye on it. Dr. Troy has to wear a splint for the next ten days and I'm going to work out a special therapy for him. I think I'll do the rehabilitation myself. I'll come back tomorrow evening to talk to Dr. Troy personally... if you're ok with it."

She offered her hand to Sean in greeting. "You're really an extraordinary surgeon Dr. McNamara, it was an honour for me to work with you. Of course I'm going recommend you."

Surprised by her compliments Sean smiled sheepishly. He hurried to get her hand. "I do my job... you're more likely the one doing extraordinary work... have I already said thanks?" He twinkled. "I know I'm kind of foolish with those things... well to get back to your question... if Christian will be in the shape tomorrow... what I honestly hope... it would surely be the best you talk to him. And if your timetable allows it, it would also be great you could do the after care. I know he'll appreciate it. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Sarah nodded and headed towards the door.

"I'm gonna call you in the evening to hear how he's doing, then we can talk about tomorrow..."

**

...

**

When Christian opened his eyes he was surprised to realize he was lying in one of his own practices rooms. He personally had picked out the colour of the wallpaper and the pattern of the borders. He closed his eyes again and tried to remember why he was here.

Bit by bit the memory came back and that didn't feel good. He remembered the white mask and the feeling of helplessness after the Carver had put the needle in his neck, he remembered the pain when he got hurt and that he'd thought he would die.

But obviously this was not the case. Somebody must have found him and brought him here.

He was unbelievably tired - too tired to think about how he was. Pain made him realize that he was in fact alive. That's all he needed to know. Everything else could wait until he had slept... A warm tender inviting sleep taking his hand and leading him back to dreamland...


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a long day, a really long day, and Sarah began to get the feeling she would loose control on her will. Never the less she was not willing to put down her intend to look after the patient who was responsible for her lack of sleep. Spontaneously she decided to drop by at the clinic as she was close to it anyway. She went straight to the counter, talked to the nurse and asked where she could find Dr. Troy. A few moments later she entered the tastefully furnished room.

Christian seemed to be asleep. He laid there motionless with his eyes closed.

She pulled a chair next to the bed had a short look on the treatment file and carefully took his arm to check if the splint fit correctly.

"It seems a bit tight..." she quietly muttered while she tried to get her fingers between his arm and the splint to test if there was enough room to establish a proper blood circulation.

"A hopeless case, isn't it?" Christian turned his head and looked at the young woman touching around on his arm. She was not a nurse, so she had to be the doctor Sean had told him about when he'd dropped by earlier. She was beautiful with a slim athletic body, a decent tan and a slightly Native American profile - the long black hair - loosely tied back - shimmered silky in the artificial light of the lamp.

Several times during the day Christian had been awake but he'd always lost the fight against tiredness. When Sean was trying to inform him about his status he'd been awake for longer the first time but he'd barely understood half of what his friend tried to tell him - he was to dizzy from all the narcotic and pain killer but he remembered Sean said something about a specialist.

"Dr. Lightfoot, right?" he asked and gave her an awkward smile as the bandage at his cheek and a light swelling handicapped him a little.

"Right, Dr. Troy" She smiled back and looked at his face with interest. "I think I don't have to ask how you are. And I won't stay long..." She carefully placed his arm on the bed again, took a drinking cup from the night table and held the straw before him so that he could reach it with his lips. "I was around and so I thought I check how my most important patient is. Has Dr. McNamara already informed you? I'd like to do the further therapy... only if you're ok with it of course."

Christian gratefully welcomed the drink. His mouth felt dry and his throat burned, but he felt to tired and unmovable to get one himself. "Thanks..", he said when he was done and gave Sarah a sceptical look. "You want do to the therapy? I thought you were doctor and also teach students... where do you get the time to deal with that kind of stuff?" He sight. "Please be honest with me. What can I expect? Will I get back full control over my arm?"

"You want the truth? Well okay... I don't have any idea how the whole thing is going to evolve. I've done my best but a useful prognosis can first be made when I can take of the splint. Technically there is a chance to get back control over your arm but I don't consider it realistic that you will be able do surgery again. But this depends on how far you will regain control and if you will have deficits on your sensitivity. You know yourself about the problems with cut nerves and how small the chance is to get it all exactly like it was before again."

Sarah took his hand and pressed it calmingly. "Of course we have to wait. Meanwhile there are useful therapies which are particularly developed for cases like yours and make it possible to relearn sensations."

Christian closed his eyes for a moment. Should the Carver have reached his aim? To hinder him permanently to practise again? He wasn't able to get the dimension of this possibility. To not be able to do again what he'd done the last 15 years for a living? What he'd done because it was the one thing he felt destined to do. But he didn't want to bother Sarah Lightfoot with that. "Well, I guess, we'll have to wait then. I hope I can find the patience. I have never been good in waiting to be honest", he said while he was trying hard to keep his eyes from closing. "When will you come again?" he mumbled.

Sarah thoughtfully chewed her lips. "Well right now there is not much to do for me - as long as you're wearing the splint... I mean... of course I can stop by when I'm around. I'd like to x-ray your arm again... but this has to wait until the swelling is gone. Next week... or so... you'll surely not stay here longer than you have to. I could come tomorrow to check how you're getting along with the situation. It's not easy to do everything with your left hand when you are not used to. Alright... I'll come tomorrow, what do you think? Dr. Troy?"

She smiled when she realized that Christian had fallen asleep again. Carefully she pulled the blanket up a little and stroke through his hair. "I'll be there tomorrow... don't worry, everything's gonna be alright again."


	5. Chapter 5

Sean bent over to be able to take closer look at Christian's face and to observe the scar. "Excellent. It looks very good. I'd try to make a prognosis and say you'll barely be able to see anything in a few more weeks. Then you can go on..."

Christian groaned. "You know that I'm in a "time out"... because of the medication... six weeks..."

"Oh yeah...yeah, well, after that it'll surely be disappeared nearly complete. Well...look forward to it. Wait, I'm gonna put some balm on it... apart from that I would recommend you to leave it uncovered. I guess I don't have to tell you more about how to treat...

"No... spare me!"

"Alright." Sean applied some balm on a pad and began to smear it on Christian's cheek. "Hey, after all we now have something in common", he joked

"Very funny. Ain't it enough that we have the practice... and Matt... and..."

"Stop it... it was nothing but a joke." Sean shrugged and looked at his friend. "I see you're not a friend of jokes right now..."

"Not that kind of jokes..." Christian replied eye-rolling. "Look, I wanted to talk to you about something. Would you mind me to stay a certain time in the standby room? I could do emergency service..."

"You're sick", Sean answered.

"What does that mean? Just because I want to stay here?" Christian outraged.

"No! No... I mean, you should recover first before you think about work again. Relax. Right now everything fine with the practice... I delayed some appointments and rearranged some things..." He stopped himself. "Why do you want to sleep in the standby room?" he sceptically asked. But the very moment he hat spoken the words he knew what was going on inside his friend.

"Listen.. you don't have to sleep here. If you don't want to go home... then you can move in with me. While the Carver is out there I want Julia and the children out of the line of fire, and... I mean, my house is under protection of the police."

"Uhm... this would be okay for you? I mean, it's not that I'm scared or something, but..."

"I know.. but in the state that you are in you can barely defend yourself..."

"That "defending"-thing didn't work last time either", Christian replied dryly. "But let's forget about that..."

Sean gratefully agreed. The whole situation was as unpleasant for him as it was for Christian. Also he had not completely overcome the attack of the carver. "Very well. I'd say we get all the stuff you need from your apartment and then we spent the evening with beer, pizza and some good movies... what do you think?

For a moment Christian looked at his friend without saying a word, then he nodded and smiled, relieved. "Okay, let's do it."

"No! Not the index finger... the middle finger... lift it a bit, please... more..." Sarah turned away from the screen and put her head into the tube of the scanner where Christians arm was lying to see if everything was in order. "Oh, I see. The bandage is disturbing you. Wait! I'll help you."

She also put her Arm into the tube, let her fingers glide over his splint to the end and bent it until Christian grimaced painfully

"I know, it hurts but we have to do that." She pressed a button and then repeated the procedure with the other fingers.

"That looks great. Now make a fist, please."

Sarah made sure that he really bent his fingers but aside from a barely noticeable twitch nothing happened. "Come on, Dr. Troy, a bit more concentration please. I want you to make a fist. Do you feel my touch? How does it feel?"

"Like asleep", Christian replied as discouraged as grumpy. "Don't you think I would follow your orders when I could? I'm doing my best... I'm really sorry if this is not enough." Ever since he had to wear the splint he felt like his arm would not belong to his body, and it also behaved that way. He rolled his eyes. He was by far not one of the most patient people in the world but this situation like it was right now was driving him to the edge. And that Dr. Lightfoot set him under pressure like that - at least he felt that way - was too much for him. Fretfully he tried to get the arm, that was not his, free from her grip

"What do you thing are you doing there? Stop it!"

Sarah's good mood instantly vanished, when she noticed that Christian was clumsily trying to get his arm out of the tube and within this hitting the sensitive surface of the device. She hurried to put a finger on a certain place at his armpit so that he couldn't but stretch it from his body again.

"It would be kind of you, when you act more carefully. This device is worth about 180 000 Dollars and I'm not willing to buy a new one just because the dear doctor is in a bad temper. Nor do I have the money."

She made him putt he arm back in the tube, grabbed his fingers and pushed them further. She didn't care about Christian sending her angry looks. Instead she looked back pugnaciously.

"You want me, Dr. Troy, and that means you have to do what I tell you. You'll have to give all you have when I want it. You will go home first, when I dismiss you. We be done when I say we are... And now..."

She approached his face until the tip of her nose touched his cheek. "And now make a goddamned fist."

"I CAN'T!!!" he snapped, angry about her trying to patronize him. "Or can you by any chance give me a reason why on earth I shouldn't make a fist?" He closed his eyes for a second and tried to concentrate on it but it still seemed not to work. "See?"

"The only thing I see is the anger in your eyes. You should really try to calm down and make everyone around you feel your bad mood. By the way you ARE making a fist right now.. just to let you know."

Sarah got up and helped him taking his arm out of the tube. "As I can say everything's proceeding fine with your arm. Now please sit down on the bed. I want to take a look at the wound. Did you show any reactions on the medication? Sickness... dizziness?

"No, everything's fine, doctor", Christian replied extraordinary good tempered and sat down on the treatment bed. He followed her with his eyes while she busily was walking through the room, her slim body moving graciously under the doctor's coat. "What did you say, when we can take off the splint? I'd love to dress up 'normal' again.", he said with a wry smile.

"I said ten day... today is day five, so there are 5 more left you have to 'survive'-" She sat down next to him and grinned. "That's good news, isn't it? Ridiculous 5 days more..."

Christian sent her an angry look what made her laugh even more, while she started taking off the bandage to take a look at the wound and treat it with some kind of bad smelling tincture.

"Don't worry. The smell will disappear... in a couple of hours..."

Sarah was interrupted when the door was opened and a tall man excitedly entered the room.

"You damned bitch..." he groaned and approached Sarah. "It's your fault I lost my job. What the hell did you tell the agency?"

"The truth" Sarah replied dryly and tried to ignore the man best she could while she went on treating Christian's arm.

"I told them that you have a big mouth ,a short dig and the brain of an infant. I at least want to have some fun when I have to pay for it."

"Pay? You haven't paid me. I have not seen a cent."

Sarah seemed not to be impressed at all. "Of course I haven't paid, I didn't even have an orgasm." She sighed and looked at Christian. "Excuse me for am moment, I have to deal with that first."

She got up and put her hand on the chest of the man pushing him backwards towards the door, while she didn't seem to care about the fact that he could have easily shake her off.

"I pay 200 Dollar to the agency for a date and they guarantee that I get a charming and potent man. I don't know how you get into that agency or if there are women who are done with some muscles but I want more for my money. Of course I was not pleased at all about your weak number last night, and this ridiculous excuse that you find me extremely sexy and therefore have been 'too fast', does not impress me at all. Maybe you should go and find another job."

"Before you came, no one has complained about me", the man grumbled while he became more and more embarrassed as Christian was curiously watching. "It's not easy for a man as it's for a woman..."

"Yeah, I know", she interrupted him and opened the door. "The best thing would be you look for a woman less attractive and make her happy. I'm willing to forget about the whole thing, but be sure... if you show up again at my clinic you will get to know me... Good bye."

She closed the door with a bang and went back to Christian. "Excuse me for that. It's unbelievable how this idiot thinks he can frighten me by dropping by and showing his muscles."

With a strange kind of fascination Christian had watched the scene. Now he smiled in amusement. "I have to admit I'm surprised", he said. "How does it come, that such a beautiful and even intelligent woman like you has to pay for such a cave man... I mean it doesn't surprise me that you didn't have much fun with a guy like that. It's a shame that I'm not 'in the game' right now, otherwise I would have proved there are other men out there than this... Michelin man..."

"Uhhhh... a real superman", she grinned and laughed sarcastically. "Of course there would come a phrase like that from your mouth. As well as it was unavoidable that you think I would need to rent a ... cave man as you called him. You're wrong, Dr. Troy. I don't have to. It's an easy and practical way to hire a man to fulfil your needs for sex, and before that guy I was very satisfied with that agency."

She started bandaging Christian's arm again and gave him a provocative look. "My experience is that 'useful' men don't have to boast with their abilities. By the way you don't have to prove anything to me... I know there are other men than that guy out there..."

Christian remained silent for a moment, then he nodded. "Sure, there are countless men on this earth. And there are as well countless women." He shrugged. "And by the way I have not boasted at all as I in fact don't have to" he said kind of insulted. "Are you done with this procedure?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt your 'male pride' This didn't belong here, just forget it. You're my patient and I'm going to do anything to heal your arm."

She got up and started to clean up. "We're finished for now. I would say you come on Saturday morning to take off the splint. 10 a.m. here at the clinic... If you're ok with it.

"The sooner the better", Christian replied and got up. "And don't mind about what I think" He winked at her. "How about that? Would you have breakfast with me after that?"

"Good idea, but I would say we decide that on Saturday, depending on how our mood will be." She opened the door for him and took a closer look at his body while he was leaving the room. If she was honest Christian Troy exactly matched to her imagination of a man and she liked the way he moved... even more, it caused a tickling feeling inside of her. Maybe it was not such a bad idea to try it.

"See you on Saturday, Dr. Troy!"


	6. Chapter 6

Never in his whole life had Christian been that bored than this week.

Everything he used to do was taboo - he couldn't drive around in his car, not take the boat and make a trip, jogging and swimming - impossible, so was as any kind of work out. Within half a day he had read through all kind of magazines he could get hold on, than he'd tried the doubtable fun of realize that the TV program was no longer the same it was when he was younger. Half-hearted he had read a book about new techniques of breast augmentation, but he was not really able to concentrate.

Again and again his thoughts drifted away, dealing with the memories on the night, or he started speculating what would be if he would never be able to use his arm right again... as the Carver meant it to be... This would mean he could never do surgery again... forever. Sean would have to find another partner and he... he refused to think about it.

He tried his best to handle everything, but the before easiest things of every day life seemed to be difficult when you only have one arm left to use... while the other one seemed to be in the way all the time. Once the remote control had fallen under the couch and he had not been able to get it back again. He had to wait until Sean came home. Another time he had pulled a whole bunch of dishes from the sink. Not one piece remained unbroken.

Sometimes he felt like he was leaving a trace of chaos and destruction behind him but Sean was that considerate that he pretended not to notice. Christian appreciated that. And any time something happened he smiled sheepishly and said "On Saturday I'm gonna get rid of it."

But the worst thing at all was when the wound started itching. It made Christian nearly loose his mind and when Sean recommended him to grid his teeth as it was at least a sign for healing Christian had been close to strangle him... when he'd just had two working hands.

Aside from that they both got along pretty well, Sean assisted Christian with his every day life without mentioning it and helped him with everything he was not able to do alone. Such as shaving - Christian had tried it exactly one time, but he had to realize that he could be named "Carver 2" without a thought. So he trustfully gave into Sean's hands what seemed a lot healthier in the end.

He counted the minutes until the day arrived where he had no longer to wear that inconvenient splint. On Saturday morning at 9 o'clock Sean insisted to drop Christian personally at the clinic of Dr. Lightfoot. Christian had even brought a shirt with him so that he could put it on afterwards. The whole week he'd worn T-shirts and this had been ok as long as he hadn't to go out. But not today when he was back to normal and planning to have kind of a date with Sarah.

"Are you getting along?" Sean asked from out of the car. Christian nodded. "Of course. Don't mind about me. Everything's fine... one more hour and I'm human again... and not half human half bust... " He laughed. "I take a cab back, then you can enjoy your day."

"I can pick you up..." Sean started but interrupted himself when he noticed Christians rebuking look. "Well, okay... see you later then. Anyway - don't hesitate giving me a call when you need help."

"Okay, thanks, but I'm sure everything will work fine... see you later!" He knocked on the roof of the car, shut the door and headed towards the entry.

Now he would get rid of this fcking splint - finally...

Sarah drove the car onto the parking lot in front of the clinic and parked it. She hurried to get out, opened the rear door and looked into the car.

"No stop being such a conceited ass. We're already late. I told you why we can't go to the zoo. It's important for Dr. Troy to get this splint off."

For a moment she looked at his brother - a 26 year old, handsome man, who was in fact a small boy inside.

With a sigh she lended him a hand. "Patrick, I beg you. We'll catch up on it another day. We'll go to the cafe when I'm done here and you may order whatever you want... promise."

"How about ice cream?"

"Yes, also ice cream. And now come on..."

Patrick's eyes started shining hopefully; he grabbed the hand of his sister and followed her to the building.

"I'm sorry you had to wait, Dr. Troy, but my brother didn't want the way I wanted."

She gave Christian an excusing smile and entered the room, her two heads taller brother by the hand. "Last week I promised him we would go to the zoo and now he's sulking because we can't. Please sit down. I'll be with you in a few moments."

Sarah let Patrick sit down on a chair and told him to stay there. Then she took an electrical plaster saw and went over to Christian.

"I'm honestly sorry, that we were late but sometimes it's not easy with my brother."

She looked over to Patrick who was watching them curiously and moved his body forward and backward restlessly. "Over the week he's visiting a special care center, because I have not the time to look after him, so I can't give him away at the weekend either. I hope you don't mind that I brought him with me."

"No... no, of course not." Christian watched the young man with a strange feeling. "Is it a genetic defect or is this the consequence of an accident?" he asked while he focused the saw in Sarahs hands with an unpleasant feeling. "Does it mean you cancel our date?" Disappointment showed up on his face.

"Cancel? You mean our breakfast? No, I would love to have breakfast with you. Only, that I will have to take my brother with me. Of course I would understand if YOU don't want to go. IT would not be the first time I was dumped because of him. To answer your question - Patrick is a typical example for what can happen when the parents of a child are abusing alcohol and drugs. It might sound odd but after all he was lucky because he doesn't have any physical disfigurement."

She put on the saw. "Now at first we take off this ballast from you."

Half an hour later Christian had gotten rid of the splint and Sarah had taken the stitches out. And for the first time since the incident Christian was able to take a look at the dimension of his injury himself.

Sarah applied some balm on her palm and started massaging his lightly swollen arm carefully

"Unfortunately I had to cut pretty far down to get the nerves and tendons but it really looks good and in a few weeks you will barely be able to see anything. What does it feel like when I touch you? Good or bad... Or numb?

Christian concentrated for a moment. "It's prickling a little bit... aside from this there is nothing... is this normal?" he asked worried. He always blamed the strange feelings he had on his arm on the splint, and now was surprised to realize that they didn't disappear now. Why had he only hoped that everything would be back to normal instantly? After all he was a doctor himself and should have known better. With sigh he closed his eyes for am moment. Very well, no matter how it would finally become - he would have to live with it... no matter what he wanted. When she stroked over his scars he winced a little but didn't say a word. In his stomach there was gathering a dark cloud of bad foreboding. He felt fear.

Sarah noticed his mood going down to zero and gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't panic, it's not unusual that it doesn't feel like before. IT might take awhile till the nerves have totally recovered and the sensivity has to be 'reprogrammed' in your brain. Stitching is a good sign anyway though it's not delightful. You'll have to grant your body some time to recover."

Softly she let her hand glide over his shoulder and down his upper arm where his sensibility was still normal for that he could feel her touch. She increased the pressure of her hand, let her fingers run over his tense muscles and once in a while she touched a lower part of his arm where his senses where his sensibility was irritated.

"What's about breakfast now? Do you still want to - or aren't you keen on sitting on a table with an idiot?

Christian gave Sarah a frowning look. He'd enjoyed her massage a lot, only that his body didn't react the way he usually did left a strange feeling... though he knew why... and couldn't need it at the moment. However - it was not normal and he didn't like it.

"You have a really high opinion of me, don't you? No, I don't give a damn on it. I don't mind taking your brother with us and YES, I still would like to drink a coffee with you. I don't have problems with mentally disabled people, even if this is unusual for you." He gave her a sheepish smile. "Honestly."

"Fine... then let's go having a relaxed breakfast. That way we can also talk about a schedule for your physical therapy. Water gym, massages, sensitivity training... Light stretching..."

"Ice cream!" Patrick threw in enthusiastically and jumped of the chair.

"Yes, dear, ice cream too, but at first you eat something proper."

...

Clash!

Unnerved Christian starred on the plate which was lying on the floor - split into single pieces, inclusively the food that had been on it.

"You fcking idiot! You DO know it. Don't always let yourself get tempted to use this fcking arm.!" he groaned and followed Sean with his eyes, who came running, armed with hand brush and dust pan. "Stop it!" he grumbled threatening.

"Calm down, this is not a drama", Sean replied good tempered and started cleaning the floor without paying any attention on the warning hints clearly showing on Christian's face. "I clean this up here, you get a new plate and get another serving... there's enough food left..."

"Stop this immediately!" He roughly wrenched the hand brush out of his hands. "Give me that! I can do this myself very well. I'm not disabled", he yelled at him.

Sean got up and offered also the dust pan to him. Stirred up as he was he grabbed it with his right hand... and the pan with the garbage on it, fell down again. "Sht!"

Sean shook his head. "What's your problem, Christian? YOU indeed ARE disabled at the moment. Didn't anybody tell you? The problem is that you're a completely impatient and stubborn little boy who is not even able to come clear with his temporary situation. I'm there and I don't mind helping you out. So, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

"Problem? Problem?" Christian snapped. "I don't have a problem. Do I look like I had a Problem?" He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to relax. He gave Sean an unnerved look. "Listen. Maybe it's better you start looking for another partner." He tried to avoid Sean's look. "I mean, it looks like I will never be able to do surgery again, and keeping it up just because we're friends is just not enough. You won't make enough money alone to support both, you AND me on the long run... that way it just makes no sense."

"Ah, that's it." Sean rolled his eyes. "Christian, it's only 4 weeks that you got hurt. What do you expect? You're are a doctor and you should know that it's not just that you flick and everything is back to normal. Give yourself some time."

"Why do you make it so hard for me?" Christian replied "You can't judge it. Is it your arm that doesn't work right? Is it you who let drop things every few minutes, because he can't feel it when holding it? Can you tell me how I should operate on a patient like that? That's an illusion. And I don't want to believe in an illusion. And you shouldn't either, because otherwise it'll not just ruin my life but also yours."

Sean wanted to say something in return but Christian silenced him. "No, don't say anything. Think about what I said. My decision is final. I need to get out of here." He finished the conversation. He left Sean standing in the kitchen, grabbed his jacket and left the house.

Aimless he walked through the streets and tried hard not to think... to banish the thoughts out of his mind, which tortured him for days. He just wasn't able to imagine that the situation could ever change again.

Though he went to Dr. Lightfoot's therapy center frequently and sometimes she even worked with him personally, he didn't feel as if there would be any change at all. He had barely any feelings in his hand, and his forearm felt clumsy and stiff, though he went on with the exercises Sarah had showed him, at home.

This all was more than he could stand at the moment. The insecurity about his future, the physical limitation, the fear, that the Carver might come back... nearly every night he had nightmares, either dealing with the Carver or his childhood. By the attack old wounds had broken out again, brought up emotions that Christian had successfully buried in depth, where they couldn't reach him.

Then, two days ago, Kimber showed up to see how he was doing. She had just returned from Hawaii where she had some film shootings, and when she was back to Miami she got word from the whole thing. Worried she'd taken him in her arms.

It hadn't taken long til Christian realized that it wasn't good at all that Kimber was there. This woman was sending out sexual vibes that he couldn't resist... yet he 'would' if she'd made any attempts - which would have been quite humiliating for him, because it was only one week ago that he had finished the medication that made him temporarily impotent and still he was experiencing the side effects. So he drank some coffee with Kimber and then he told her he had an appointment for kinesitherapy and said goodbye. Afterwards he felt even worse and more needless.

When he discovered the cab he called it and followed the spontaneous idea to make a visit to his favourite night club. Most likely it would be better not to drink in his condition but he didn't care. He needed something strong... and better enough, to shut up this bothering thoughts - at least for awhile.

"Look, who's there.." Sarah mumbled in surprise, when she discovered who'd just entered the club and filled the whole room with his bad mood.

"Excuse me?"

She turned her attention back to her date and gave him a polite smile. "Nothing... I said nothing. Where were we?"

"Well,..." Clifford Stone - mid 40, handsome, exquisite manners - laid his arm around her shoulders and blinked temptingly. " I just asked you if you would like to have a coffee...at my place... now."

Sarah gave him a provocative look. "You wanna have sex with me?"

"What? No.. I... I thought... I didn't have the intention... of course not... I though, we could go to my apartment and have some coffee... talk... get to know each other better..."

"What a pity" Sarah sighed and got up. "I can have a coffee by myself. At home. I enjoyed your company, but I guess we better end it here."

Without paying any further attention on him she gracefully walked through the crowd over to the bar. She didn't care at all about her short cut dress attracting the looks of the men around. In fact that's what she intended.

She sat down on the barstool next to Christian and signaled the barkeeper to serve her the same drink Christian was having.

"Already found something to your taste?" She followed his eyes to a small alcove where two beautiful blonde were drinking sparkling wine and seemed to have lots of fun.

"Nice indeed", she admitted. "Is this your favorite type? Isn't it way to easy to get such a girl? Or do you like it easy?"

"What...?" Christian turned his head in surprise and looked at Sarah. "Dr. Lightfoot... on the hunt? I though you get men delivered home", he asked and emptied his glass. Then he waved the barkeeper to bring him another drink. "Maybe it would be the best you leave the bottle with me."

The man behind the counter shrugged and handed him the bottle. Thoughtlessly he wanted to grab it with his right hand, but realized it just in time. "No, that would be a waste of this good stuff. To catch up with your question - I'm not here to find a woman... in case you forgot - your miraculous medicine has taken my last joy from me... hopefully just for awhile." He poured himself another glass and threw it down his throat. "Cheers!"

"Ah, yes, the medicine... I forgot..." Sarah feigned and gave him a grin. "Too bad, I think those two honeys would be interested." She drank her glass empty and shoved it over to him. "Do you stand me a drink before the bottle is empty? Today there are only slowpokes around. I'd better have called the agency.

She sighed, slipped her arm under his and got closer to him. "But we could at least flirt a little. What's your usual tactics to get a nice girl for the night?"

"Well... that depends on what might work best", he replied. Normally he didn't have to think about it. He picked someone out who was to his taste and then he did what he felt like to reach his goal.

Critically he looked in her eyes. Should he give in the game she was playing? Even if he was not able to... There were other ways... why not, at least she would be a good distraction.

He smiled. "How is Patrick? I've really enjoyed our breakfast. He's a nice... guy", he tried to start a conversation without breaking eye contact. It was provocative and he liked it.

"You have a charming smile..." Sarah's eyes sparkled when she snuggled cat-like at his powerful arm. "Patrick was excited by you, especially because of the chocolate ice cream you bought him on the way back. He might be mentally limited but yet he is very sensitive. He clearly notices who..." She interrupted herself and let her finger run over Christian's earlobe. "Let's change the subject. Do you like an exciting foreplay or do you prefer to directly come to the point? Do you like it to be touched?"

Confused by her directness Christian frowned. "Heaven, you're straight..", he smiled. "I think every man likes it to be touched. But I appreciate a nice foreplay as much as a wild and fast act... It depends on the situation." Again he looked her into the eyes and slowly approached her lips, tenderly playing around. More and more challenging he kissed her until she responded the same way. Gently he rubbed his cheek on hers. "How about calling me Christian?" he whispered to her ear. "And how do you like it? Fast or slow? Tender or wild?"

"I prefer... well.." She let the tip of her nose run over his cheek and got drunk by the fragrance of his aftershave. "When I could decide - a little bit of all...", she sighed. She got up and pulled him with her on the small barely lightened dance floor. "Dance with me.." she begged him and wrapped her arms around his body.

Her quiet moaning mixed with the romantic music, when he drew her closer and let his hands stroke down her back. She lifted her arms, wrapped them around his neck and let her hands run hastily through his short hair. "Don't you want to open my dress, it's so tight... kiss me... hold me, I wanna feel you..."

He kissed her passionately, enjoyed the feeling her provoking behavior caused inside of him. But then he called himself to order. Carefully he leaned his forehead against hers and looked her deep in the eyes. "We shouldn't do this. There are too many people in here..." He grinned. "... even if you're not aware of it. Let us leave", he suggested, bowed his head back in delight when she let her tongue glide over his throat up his neck and finally kissed him full of passion. "Not here!" he repeated with a hint of regret in his voice. Her wildness and her desire had captured him and threatened to tear him down.

This guy has good manners, she thought and she knew he was right. Somewhere inside of her a shy voice told her to slow down. It wasn't suitable, what she just did... not at all. With the honest attention to be more decent she directed him to a corner apart from the dance floor. She kissed him more and more demanding, tore his shirt out of his trousers and dug her fingers into his skin. Nobody in the room noticed the kissing couple more and more disappearing in the darkness behind a pillar, covered with red velvet. Sarah pushed her tightly fitting dress up to her hips and guided his hand to where she wanted it. Insatiable she tried to miss not a single of his kisses. "Don't stop.. not now.. please..."

Christian was almost unable to resist her passion... but deep inside him a voice told him that it wasn't right to do this here... particularly because...

"Sarah..." He held her hand, trying to lower her wild caress. "Sarah... it's not ok.. we can't... no... now listen to me..." He closed his eyes with a sigh when she shoved her knee between his legs and started moving gently. Goddamn...

He grabbed her shoulders and carefully shook her. "I can't... let's go to your place, okay... please..." When he noticed her surprised look he couldn't but smile. He just had to kiss her again which almost ended up tragically as he almost was unable to stop her. He hurried to put her dress back in place, laid his arm around her und directed her towards the exit, ignoring the people's looks while she went on trying to kiss him,

He brought her to a cab and together they slipped on the backseat. He got some money out of his pocket and handed it over to the driver. "For you!" he gasped breathlessly while Sarah was already letting her hands wandering over his body. He had trouble to get her attention once more. "Where do you live?" he asked. "Hey... Sarah..."

"Bullshit", she grumbled and backed off. " Garlington Ave. 4282" She leaned back with a sigh and gave him an offended look. "I almost had an orgasm... a minute more at the most. Couldn't you forget your damned appropriateness for a moment? One minute?"

"Sorry..." he snapped back and started massaging his arm - an odd habit he got used to after Sarah had removed the splint. Sometimes it helped getting a better feeling, sometimes he just did unintentional, like now.

He started to say something, but then decided to stay quiet. This kind of discussion was too stupid for him. Instead Christian pouted.

The mood was almost down to zero and Sarah couldn't imagine it would make sense to take Christian home with her. They would drink a coffee, talk awhile, he would try to stir up the atmosphere. They would end up in her bed with Christian trying hard to giving her an orgasm... Horrible.

Sarah sighed and looked out of the window absently. It was a long time since a guy had turned her on like that... very long. The world was full of men - why was it so hard to find one to have fun with. Someone to let her loose control and satisfy her desires. Why wasn't she one of the women who just kept pretending to be happy that way.

"Hey, what's that over there?" she excitedly asked into the silence. She leaned forward next to the driver and pointed her finger in the direction of the beach, where colorful lights and a great campfire were shining in the dark.

"Surfer Meeting", the cap driver stated scornfully. "They are hanging around here all the weekend and celebrate a 48 hour beach party. Alcohol, drugs and a crowd of uneducated rowdies... Nothing for a lady like you."

"Well.. you think you can judge this?" Sarah's started to turn red. Who the hell did this guy think he was? "Maybe tonight I'd enjoy the company of alcohol, drugs and uneducated rowdies. Stop the car. I want to have a closer look. Besides - I smell sausages... I'm starving..."

"Stop? Are you sure? But..."

"Pull over I said!"

Sarah grinned when the driver stopped the cab. She breathed a kiss on stunned Christian's cheek and jumped out of the car.

"It was nice to meet you, Christian... maybe..." She took off her shoes, danced happily over the sand and waved him. "I see you on Monday... ten o'clock... water gym... bye!"

The cab driver gave Christian a questioning look. "Where may I take you now, sir?"

Christian starred out of the window until Sarah had disappeared, then he sighed. "Bring me back to the club. There's a bottle waiting for me with my name on it..."


	7. Chapter 7

"Christian?"

"Mmmmmh..."

"Chris - tian!"

"Mmmh... what?"

Sean bent over the bed and tried halfheartedly to pull the blanket away under which his friend was hiding. "You maybe should at least consider getting up. You have an appointment at 10."

"Leave me!" Christian grumbled, tore the blanket out of Sean's hands and burrowed himself even deeper into it.

"Probably you shouldn't have drunken all the day yesterday... I'm not surprised that you have a hang over."

"That's not your problem. Leave me alone!" Christian's voice started to sound angry; a clear warning for Sean.

"Dr. Lightfoot is waiting for you. Hey, you want to become fit again, don't you?" Sean realized, that he just started to talk to his friend like he did to his eight year old daughter Annie. "For heaven sake, pull yourself together a bit."

"Get lost, Sean. I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not later... never again. Don't you have work?" Without paying any further attention to Sean he unwrapped himself, got up und walked barefoot and in shorts through the house to the kitchen, where he got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

He sat down on a chair, fixed the bottle between his knees and opened it by some effort with his working hand.

"Maybe you should think over to just give up therapy" Sean stated, leaned against the door frame and watching his friend kind of mischievous. "It seems to me as if you have not reached the 'mission's goal'

"Sean?"

"Yes?"

"Go to hell!" Christian slipped by his friend, the bottle in his hand and went back in direction of his bedroom. Then he stopped immediately when he realized Sean still following him. "Heaven, don't you have more important things to do then tracking me?" He turned around and starred at his friend angrily. "Save your energy. I'm not going there and I never will. AND I won't discuss about that... end of announcement." He went back to his bed and pulled the blanket over his head. A second later he lifted his head from under the sheets, put the bottle, he had still in his hands, on the bedside table and disappeared again. "Sean?"

"Yes?"

"Please close the door...from outside the room. Have a nice day."

...

"I know he was not there. At least he had the appointment with me, and he didn't even feel the need to give me a call." Sarah rolled her eyes and let herself drop into her office chair exhaustedly while she tried to understand why Dr. McNamare had called her and what he wanted.

"I know he's in a difficult phase, but he will not make any progress when he misses therapy. Home visit? I don't do home visits... he has two working legs... What is he doing? Really? I see. Now don't worry, I'm sure it's not a problem to have a drink too much. Even I myself sometimes... what? All the week? Can't you talk to him? You're his friend. I see, but what do you expect from me? Yes, of course I like him, but... no, I don't have more appointments today, but it's Friday and I have to get my brother and... what? Why should I go there? Honestly..."

Sarah stroke back her hair, confused. How did she deserve, that she'd have to play nanny for a surgeon overwhelmed by self pity.

"Okay, okay, I'll have a look. How will I get into the house? NO, I don't need to write the code down. I guess I can remember four numbers. And where do I find him? What? I should follow the smell? You're joking, aren't you? I see... of course I will be careful .. no, I won't give him a bad time... Listen, Dr. McNamara, I'll have a look but it doesn't make sense at all when I'm not supposed to say a word. When you think I'd just make it worse we should leave this be... yes... I'm always understanding... of course... bye."

...

An hour later Sarah was standing in front of Sean's house entering the code to open the kitchen door. It didn't take her long to find Christian.

For a moment she remained at the door and looked at her patient who was lying on his bed, dressed with shorts, in his hand a bottle of whiskey. It smelled like in a liquors factory and with his unshaved face, the fuzzy hair and the grunting sounds he seemed a little bit like a neglected pig.

Spontaneously she went back to the kitchen, filled a glass with water and returned to bring this little pig back to reality. She threw the water in his face, opened the window, leaned against the window sill and crossed her arms demonstratively.

"Nice to see you again."

With an outraged snorting Christian tried to wipe the water out of his face. "What...?" he started, then he discovered Sarah. "You?" he called out in surprise. "What do you want here? And how did you get into the house?" He felt around for the bottle of whiskey next to him but when he tried to drink he had to realize that it was empty. Thoughtfully he rubbed his forehead and wondered where he could get more of it. Then he jumped up, scratched his back and went over to the living room. He opened the cupboard and moment later he'd found what he was looking for - a full bottle of brandy. He grinned. "Not exactly what I was thinking of, but this is okay too. Would you like one with me?"

"Yes, thanks. On the rocks, please. Have you decided to join the homeless? At least you look that way... and you smell like one."

"Mmmh..." He toddled into the kitchen, got two glasses out of the cupboard, searched the freezer and found some ice cubes. He put two in each and poured brandy in one, which he handed over to Sarah. The second glass he filled almost to the top and left the bottle open. He leaned against the counter and gave her a frowned look. "To be homeless is not a shame... besides - as I'm going to end up that way sooner or later, I at least have some time to get used to it... and I have to admit - I enjoy it." He grinned and lifted his glass. "Cheers!"

"Yeah, I know, it feels damned good to be drunk as the alcohol kills any thought. It's much easier to open a bottle than fighting ones demons. Supposedly you're right, that you will end up on the streets. When you've totally lost control and hit your partner on his stupid mouth because he'd tried to save you again... or had tried to hide the stuff... "

Sarah sipped half of her drink then put the glass away. "At least you don't have a wife and children who give all they have to help you and get this honored by you beating them up. They won't have to witness a strong man becoming an alcoholic because something unimportant went wrong. You should see yourself, Christian... you're like all of them - big mouth, small dig... and a coward.

She shoved the glass over to him. "You can have the rest. I won't take this consolation away from you."

Bewildered, Christian stared at the glass then up to Sarah. "What are you talking about? I could never hit Sean... or anybody else. Why should I? At least it's my own fault, I know that." He shrugged. "What am I talking... you don't care about it, do you? Why are you here? Did dear Sean call you... because he worries? He's not willing to believe me that our partnership is dead... that the career of his friend is history... because an ill butcher decided." Following a spontaneous impulse he threw his still half filled glass against the wall where it smashed with a noise

He gave Sarah a sorrowful look. "I'm a surgeon... maybe not one of the best, but yet a surgeon. That's my profession and this is what I want to be... but now it has become impossible. And there is not a single person on this planet, who cares about what I want. So why am I not supposed to lock this world out with some alcohol? I don't ask for more... I don't do anything to anybody... I didn't even do anything to the Carver...and I didn't do anything to you..." Tears were shimmering in his eyes. "So why, for heaven's sake, don't you all leave me alone."

"You missed our appointments - three times this week, and you're spoiling my work. Who the hell is giving you the right to insist you wouldn't be able to do your job again? You may give in to your misery once I told you that there is no way to make your arm work again. You're just drinking because you're too much of a coward to get through all of this. Damn, Christian..."

Spontaneously she laid her arms around his neck and held him. "I'm so sorry, but I can't help you when you don't allow me. Couldn't you give me another two weeks? And could you have a shave... and a shower?"

He welcomed her fondness like a dry sponge. He embraced her and held her tight like a drowning man a lifebelt. "I'm sorry", he whispered while tears were quietly running down his cheeks. "I mean it..."

"It's alright. I suggest we simply forget this week and go on from where we've been last time. " She took a cloth and wiped carefully away his tears. She hated to see men crying though she couldn't say why. Maybe because her father had cried once in a while after he had beaten up his mother Maybe because she'd forgiven him anytime just to realize that he'd do it again... on and on again. Or maybe it was just that it didn't fit to her idea of a man. At least not the tall and strong men like Christian

But maybe it was just that it made her helpless and she didn't know how to react. "If you like, we can start tomorrow morning. I bring Patrick with me."

"Patrick? Sure, why not... I mean, he's a nice guy... I'd be happy..." He shook his head. "What am I talking... listen, I'm sorry, that you had to see me like this... That's not how I am usually. Don't know what happened to me... " He gave her an uncertain look. "You have to think of me as a weak wimp, or... great, then I have just proved the opinion you had of me before..."

Sarah laid a finger on her lips. "I kissed you. And I don't kiss wimps... ever. Maybe you better shut your mouth. We forget about the whole thing and you come to the clinic tomorrow." She quickly grabbed the glass of brandy and drank it empty. Then she lifted her finger in a threatening gesture. "And keep your fingers of this stuff... alcohol causes impotence."

...

When Sean came home later that evening a surprise was waiting for him. Not even that his friend had had a shower and a shave - though with several cuts - but he also had cleaned up the house and cooked dinner. Indeed - Dr. Christian Troy had cooked.

Astonished, Sean sank down on a chair in the kitchen and watched Christian filling roasted potatoes and steaks on two plates.

"Wow, what has Dr. Lightfoot done with you? Drugs, brainwashing or anything like that?" he asked and looked at his friend.

"Well.. no... I..." Christian shrugged. "She just made me realize, how I was behaving like an idiot... well, basically I already knew... and... however... Would you like bread? I've bought some..."

"Wait! I help you!" Sean hurried to say and grabbed his plate before Christian would be tempted to use his right hand. Otherwise it would maybe have fallen to the ground - together with Christian's mood. And this he was not willing to risk.

Opposite his friend, Sean had not given up hope that everything would be alright.

And one of the reasons was Dr. Lightfoot. He knew about her qualification and that she knew what she was doing. When she said that there was still a chance then there was one. And it seemed obvious that she had a positive influence on Christian.

When they had finished, Sean put the cutlery aside and thoughtfully cleaned his mouth with a napkin. "This was good... thank you.. Christian, I want to talk to you about diffrent things...", he started.

Christian lifted his head and looked at Sean, questioning. "Sure, talk right away...", he encouraged him, though he could not hide that he was irritated from Sean's tone. He was aware that he had behaved awful all the last week but he'd not been able to get out of it on his own... it needed Sarah. When she'd stood in front of him, affronting him with all those things he'd recognized that she'd surely made her own experiences with alcohol. He remembered she'd told him that Patrick's disabilities resulted from drug- and alcohol abuse of his parents. This moment he'd felt unbelievable shame and he'd sworn to keep his fingers off this stuff.

Sean folded his hands and looked at Christian. "At first I wanted to ask you, if it's possible for you come to the practice next week to do some consultations... and some follow-up examinations. I'm pretty busy at the moment and could need some..."

"Of course!" Christian nodded. "I'd love to. I miss work... so... fine by me." While at home he'd practiced writing with his left hand, and meanwhile it had become readable... a true doctor's handwriting as he remarked with a grin. "And what was the other thing...?"

Sean sighed. The second issue was by far not that simple. "There has been another victim..."

"What?" Christian exclaimed with a hint of panic in his voice.

"Keep cool. We both knew it would happen...that it could... well..."

"Who?"

"A young girl... a model.. he caught her on the beach at night, where she was partying with some friends..." Sean tried hard to find the right words.

Christian understood. "Nobody wants to do the surgery, right?"

"Yes..." Sean nodded. "They are afraid... especially, after what happened to me and even more to you." He paused, starring at the plate in front of him. "I'm not sure, if..."

"Do it", Christian said.

"Well, I... I don't know, I'm not sure, whether.." There were worry line on Sean's forehead, and he also was unable to hide his guilty conscience. It was him who had provoked the Carver and that way caused, that Christian got hurt... At least this was his point of view.

"You have to do it", Christian encouraged him, but the pale color in his face showed clearly that this was less easy for him to deal with than he tried to make Sean believe.

Sean sighed and started massaging his neck. "Honestly, I don't know... what if he comes back? What if he does to you..." He refused to speak it out loud.

"He won't kill me" Christian contradicted. "He'd never killed anybody so far..."

"'So far' is the word that makes me nervous"

"Yes, so far, and he won't do it in the future. I could feel that he can't do it... he could have killed me... and in case he'd come back we will be prepared this time. He CAN'T harm us. And if he dares to try it we'll beat the crap out of him. And then we'll never have to fear him again." Christian looked at his friend, confident. "We can't simply give in.. but, of course... it's your free choice. If you don't want to..." But he very well knew, that Sean wanted. He would do it.

With a resigning sigh Sean leaned back. "Okay, well... then I'm gonna call the practice later and get it underway..." He had not a good feeling about it though.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning Christian decided to take his car. He'd already tried driving and it seemed to work good enough. Besides - he hated to depend on others.

On the way he bought an action figure of some Comic hero which seemed to be quite popular - for Patrick, hoping that he'd know what to do with it. Though it seemed strange to Christian to see an obviously grown man as a child, after some starting problems Patrick and he were getting along pretty we. He liked the 'boy'.

He parked the car on the almost empty lot in front of the building, picked the box with the 'hero' and hurried to get in - to demonstrate Sarah his good will.

"Heck.. leave your arm there. How should I give you an injection when you pull it back all the time?" Sarah's nerves were lying blank, her head was aching and Patrick's childish behavior made it hard for her not to loose control. When she noticed that Patrick started crying she tried to get herself together. It almost broke her heart to see tears running down the cheek of a 6'3 tall, strong man. "Okay... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. I know, you're afraid but we have to stitch the cut on your lower arm. Otherwise you will keep a big ugly scar and it takes longer to heal. You understand what I'm saying, don't you?"

Patrick nodded and pointed at the small cut on her forehead. "You first."

"I can't do this myself. Besides - this is not half as worse as your injury. " She temptingly held the syringe in front of his face. "It's just a little sting and then you'll feel nothing... I promise. And after that you get a huge chocolate ice cream... how about that?"

"Dr. Christian!" Patrick took the chance, jumped off the chair und ran over to Christian. "Hello, Dr. Christian. Do we go having breakfast again? It ain't so bad having a scar, is it? Can you help Sarah? Can I go out and play with my ball?" Patrick hugged Christian, impulsively and kept clinging to him hoping he could avoid the injection that way.

"Great!" Sarah commented and threw the syringe on the tray with the other things. She looked at the two guys and couldn't but grin as Patrick was nearly squashing Christian.

Surprised, Christian returned the hug of the childlike man, who was as tall as he was and almost as massive. "Hey, Patrick, what's up? Why are you so excited?" He gave Sarah a questioning look and discovered the bleeding wound above her eyebrow. "What happened?"

"We've been to the supermarket and Patrick had nothing better to do then pulling a pretty blonde."

"I just wanted to play with her", Patrick protested and grinned at Christian. "She was soooo beautiful... hair like an angel."

"Yeah, yeah... hair like an angel... and a boyfriend like a wrestling champion" Sarah mocked, while she was taking a look in a mirror.

"This idiot used his fist without giving me the chance to explain, and a moment later we'd been buried by a pile of baked beans.", she grumbled and made a fist. "I would have showed him."

"That's... not nice." Christian couldn't but smile. Of course nobody could know from the first, that Patrick was quite naive as far as sexual things. That seemed to make sense. He managed to grab Patrick's hand and took a look at the cut on his arm. He started to explain, that this would better be stitched when he caught Sarah's warning look. Now he understood why Patrick was so desperately trying to get out of here. "Well... Patrick, what do you think about a deal? You're a smart young man and let your sister treat your wound, and as reward you get this one from me. "He held up the box with the action figure so Patrick could have a look on it - but wasn't able to reach it. He tried to though. "Nooo, your wound first... and when we're done we go have breakfast, okay?"

Patrick's eyes went from Christian to the Super Robotop Hero and back to Christian while he started kneading his finger. Sure, the needle scared him but on the other hand he loved those figures, especially the Special Edition... like the one Christian was holding in his hand.

"Okay...", he gave in. He went back to the chair and sat down. "But Sarah first..."

"Sarah first... Sarah first...", she imitated him while she sat down on the treatment bed. "You're a coward, Patrick Lightfoot."

"I'm just careful... like you told me...", he justified himself and put his tongue out at her.

"Jackanapes... wait till we get home..."

Without wasting a thought Christian took a swab, put some disinfection fluid on it and carefully started wiping the blood from Sarah's face, while he inspected the wound.

Their looks met and for a moment he got stuck to her brown, provokingly sparkling eyes. His heart started beating faster and a shiver ran through his body. "This requires no stitching, it looks worse than it is", he stated and tried to clear his throat, when his voice threatened to break down. "I'm gonna tape it with some stripes and you should be fine in a few days." To mainly work with his left was requiring all of his attention and this was double hard as Sarah was smelling unbelievably gorgeous, provoking reactions of his body he expected to be still "out of order".

Again his look wandered to her magical eyes, again their looks crossed. He thought about kissing her and before he knew what he was doing their lips were getting closer.

"I'm gonna bite your tongue off if you dare to stick it into my mouth in front of the boy", Sarah whispered. She laughed when she noticed Christian's stunned face. She hurried to slip away from him. "And now, my dear, it's your turn... come on..."

Patrick did as he was told, sat down and stretched out his arm before Christian. "Dr. Christina, can I have those stripes like Sarah?"

Christian took a look at the cut and shook his head. "No, Patrick, your injury is much worse than Sarah's. You're a brave boy taking this without mourning. Hey, your sister can stitch it - she's the best.. much better than I am. Besides - I can't do it at the moment." He pulled up his sleeve, so that Patrick could have a look on the scars which already had gotten paler. "Look, I'm hurt too... and your sister helped me... it's not bad, and it almost doesn't hurt."

Sarah hurried to finish her work and about 20 minutes and 6 stitches later she put the instruments aside with a victorious grin.

"So, what do you say.. Patrick?"

She looked at his brother who had turned paler with each stitch. Though it was written to his face what would happen she was unable to move when his eyes widened and pressed his lips together, trying to avoid the unavoidable. He threw up.

The next thing she realized was a warm, slimy and bad smelling mash all over her clothes.

"Fck!"

"I'm sorry.. I didn't want to..."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I don't know.. I felt sick."

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yes.. can I get some ice cream?"

"What? You don't mean this, do you? You throw up on me and get the nerve to ask for ice cream?"

"You promised I would... if I'd be brave... I was brave."

"Okay... okay.." Sarah got up, took off her Shirt and crumpled it with disgust. "Now calm down again and let Christian bandage your arm. I'm next door - taking a shower."

Christian watched Sarah leave, then he tried to bandage Patrick's arm as good as he was able to, concentrating hard on using also his right hand. "I swear - once I get this..." He'd almost used a 'deprecated' word but he realized in time that he'd better not curse in front of the boy. ".. man, I'll make him regret he was born."

"What man?" Patrick frowned.

"The man who hurt Uncle Christian so that he is unable to use his hand right. We're done... here's your trophy." He handed the toy to Patrick who accepted it with an excited smile.

"Can I play with super Robotop outside?" he asked and starred at the figure with sparkling eyes.

"Yes, you may, but take care that your bandage doesn't get dirty. Come here." He took a piece of a lint tube, pulled it over Patrick's lower arm and fixed it with tape stripes. Then he nodded. "Now you can go..."

For am moment Christian was just sitting there starring at the door where Sarah had disappeared. Then he got up, went through this door and found Sarah - naked under the shower.

With a smile on his face he stripped of his clothes and joined her. Tenderly he let his arms glide around her hips and clung to her from behind. He kissed her neck, deeply inhaling her infatuating aura. "You taste like heaven...", he sighed and huddled against her even more.

She grabbed his left wrist and tried to get his hand off her body. "I could count this as sensibility training, but only if you also use your handicapped hand."

She enjoyed the excitement, the play of his muscles which she could feel on her skin. She laid her hand on his and encouraged him to caress her. "Don't be anxious... I can take it if you touch me rough. Close your eyes and forget about your hand... forget everything."

With a silent sigh she bowed her body towards his touch "It feels fantastic.. wonderful."

"That's a therapy to my taste...", he mumbled while he tried to explore her body. He concentrated on caressing her, let his hands glide over her neck, along her shoulder blades down to her waist. Wildly he turned her around and pressed her against the tiled wall while the warm jet of water was moistening his skin. He kissed her wildly and passionately in one. "I'm crazy for you... and I can't fight it...Miss therapist..", he whispered while he was covering her skin with his kisses. "I want you so much that it hurts..."

When it was over he held her wet body in his arms, tenderly kissing her neck. He looked at her with a smile. "This therapy unit was amazing, Doctor. When will I get the next one?"

"I'm sorry, if I have to disappoint you but this was not a unit." She leaned back and eyed him skeptically. "Those were 10 minutes... maximum, but I have to admit... not bad at all." She slipped away from him und gave him a smack on his bottom. "I consider another appointment. And I want you to have low voltage next week.. to stimulate your nerves. Maybe 3 to 4 times a week... would this be okay for you?"

She stroke her wet hair back and gave him a wink. "I'm happy for you that your 'powers' have returned so early. Where shall we go for breakfast? Gino's again?" Or do you want to go somewhere else?"

With few steps he was at her side and laid his arm around her waist. He smiled when he drew her closer and kissed her. "I'd know a place where we could go... but unfortunately we can't take Patrick with us. So we have to forget about this... at least now.. Hey..." He looked her in the eyes. "How about tonight? Do you have plans?"

"This evening? Well... I have an invitation. The Maxim is reopening, and Dr. Cronelly asked me out. You probably know him, he provides a couple of very successful therapy centers for stressed Managers. A tall guy with dark blonde hair, blue eyes... always tasteful... always friendly.. you know...He has declared himself willing to provide the Christian Rehabilitation center with a generous donation and we want to talk about it. It's a pity... but I can't cancel it."

Sarah hurried to get dressed and hastily left the room.

How could she start something with a patient? And even with one who was mentally instable? It was predefined how it would evolve. He would cling to her til the very moment, he would be fully recovered, then he would leave her or start to rule her. She didn't want this shit and she didn't want to have a relationship to a man. 17 years long she'd struggled for the love of one man - her father, and when she'd realized the truth she swore to herself to never trust a man again nor to let him get too close.

Her life was okay as it was. She hired a man when she felt like and afterwards she sent him away. Of course it wasn't the life she'd dreamed of when she was younger but she had everything under control... and that didn't hurt.

Christian put on his trousers and followed her. "Of course... when you have obligations which you can't cancel..." He tried to hide his disappointment. "Low voltages did you say?" he changed the topic. "I heard about it. They say it's working well. Of course we can try it. I'm willing to try anything that might help." He cursed when he tried to close the knobs on his shirt wondering why he'd opened it at all. "Look... Sarah..." he began and looked at her. "Why don't you just admit that you don't..." He laughed ironically. "I can't even say 'want to see me again'. But you know what I mean. Still I don't understand, what's your problem.. I mean... wasn't I good enough for you? Or..." Helpless, he shrugged.

"Problem? I don't have a problem, but you seem to have one", she snapped. She tried to calm down and gave him a friendly smile. "You're a handsome man, Christian, and you were good enough for me, but we don't have a relationship just because we had sex in the shower. You wanted it and I wanted it... I mean, we're both grown up. At the moment you live through a complicated phase, and probably you're interpreting more into it then there is. Maybe it's in fact better when we stop seeing each other."

She patted his arm. "I'm confident, that you have a whole book full of phone numbers. And I'm sure some of the girls are desperately waiting on a call from you - for weeks. You don't need me, and just in case I've awaken your hunger... forget about it. I'm not available... for no one."

"Good... I wasn't up to a relationship either. I just thought, we could have some more fun. I didn't realize that it was something bad. But it doesn't matter. Of course I do have enough 'numbers'..." He put the shirt into his trousers and slipped into his jacket. "I think the therapy is over for today. We shouldn't let Patrick wait any longer. We can go to the café we've been last time... it was nice there... and I can leave the car on the lot..."


	9. Chapter 9

"According to my experiences blue is better than shades of pale brown, which most of my colleagues prefer. What do you think? Sarah?"

"What?" Sarah sheepishly smiled at Leon Conelly. "Excuse me, I've been a little bit absent. What did you just say?"

"Well, I told you about the effect of color on the human mind."

"Really? And which color do you prefer?"

"Blue"

"I see.. yes, blue is indeed a nice color, and it is said to have a very... relaxing... effect on human minds."

"That's what I just said."

"Really?"

"Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"Why? Don't you like it here?"

"I do, but it's very loud in here and.. let me call it 'impersonal'" Leon got himself a little bit closer to Sarah and put his arm around her shoulders. "We could talk about the whole thing ... the donation.. in private."

'What a horrible day', Sarah thought. At first the attack at the supermarket, then the 'mistake' with Christian, the breakfast afterwards where no one said a word and now, finally, this slimy nerd.

"I won't go home with you, Leon, and if I'll have to sleep with you to get the donation... forget it."

Sarah freed herself from his embrace, slipped of the barstool and picked her drink. "Please excuse me, but I don't feel much like boring any longer."

Without paying any further attention to her surprised colleague she went in direction of the dance floor. Anywhere here in this club had to be a man who was able to lift her mood. Or at least share a joint with her.

...

With a pleased sigh Christian leaned back in the club chair, which he had chosen as view point awhile ago. The young women in here tonight were definitely to his taste. Yet he'd not been able to choose one... so he decided to wait and enjoy the view and the anticipation on what might come. He was back again. Finally. And it felt damned good.

During the day he'd not been in such a good mood, after Sarah had dropped him like a hot potato. Of course - he'd not at all thought about a relationship or something, but he'd liked the thought of spending some more time together and get to know each other better. At least he had more contact to her than he had to the 'usual' girls, he met in the clubs. But obviously she didn't seem to be interested... then so wasn't he.

Just when he decided to approach a young and nice blonde to offer her a drink - and maybe more later - the pain started - nerve pain... a light, pulsating pang down his arm to his hand. The first time in weeks he felt his hand again - not in the way he'd wanted it, but he could feel it. This fact itself was gratifying, less was the uncomfortable ache.

He decided to ignore it. At least it was not so heavy that it really disturbed him.

The blonde's name was Marcie and she was a stewardess with American Airlines. Obviously she liked Christian and turned out to be quite talkative. She told him about her home town in Idaho and about her large family. While Christian ordered her one drink after another and listened attentively, again and again the pain made its way to his consciousness. He tried to calm himself by thinking this had to be a good sign... at least there was something changing. But after awhile this didn't work any more. He became more and more nervous, the stitching pain in his arm more and more present.

When Marci touched his arm and asked him with an inviting smile about his further plans for the evening, he recoiled and pushed her away from him. The content of the glass in her hand spilled over her obviously expensive dress.

He looked at her as shocked as she looked at him. Then her surprise turned into indignation. "Are you crazy?"

He blinked, confused. "I'm so sorry. Maybe we should catch up on this another day..." What the hell was he saying? The arm hurt, and for a moment Christian wished it would be as numb and quiet as before.

"If you don't want to spend the evening with me, then why did you hit on me?" she snapped, spilled the rest of the drink on his suit, turned around and left Christian standing.

With an angry growl he watched her leave, took a napkin from the desk and started dabbing the alcohol from his shirt. Then he decided to quit for today and left the club, heading home.

...

For the fourth time in row now Sean dialed Dr. Lightfoot's number while he nervously looked over to Christian, who was lying curled up in his bed, holding his arm, moaning.

He'd returned home late because he'd fallen asleep in his office after a stressful operation. When he'd entered the dark and silent house he at first thought that Christian was still out... though he'd noticed his car parking outside, which made him suspicious.

When he checked every room in the house like he used to do ever since the attack of the Carver he heard the moaning. At first he'd thought that Christian had brought someone home - against their agreement.. but this sounded different. Then panic overcame him when he realized that the Carver might have returned and...

He'd hurried to get to Christian's room and found him in the same condition he still was in; barely addressable and overwhelmed by pain.

Of course he hadn't any useful painkillers at home - after all you don't keep some ampoules of morphine just 'in case', and he also didn't want to leave Christian alone in the condition he was in, otherwise he could have went back to the practice and get some medicine. So he decided to call Sarah Lightfoot for she'd know what to do.

When he heard a tiered voice he sighed, relieved. "Dr. Lightfoot? Sarah? This is Sean McNamara.. listen, I need your help. CHRISTIAN needs your help..."

...

There were days where you're not even supposed to have a nice dream.

Sarah got out of her car, picked her bag and hurried to get into Dr. McNamara's house before anyone could see her in her worn out, once green jogging suit and with unkempt hair. Yellow press would surely love to see her like that.

She didn't have to wait long until Sean opened the door and from his worried face she could see that it in fact was an emergency.

Without hesitating she headed towards Christian's room. "Have you already given him something?" She sat down on the edge of the bed and stroke calmingly over Christian's back. "Congrats, Dr. Troy, your nerves are waking up. Can you tell me where you feel pain... all the arm?" She turned her head and looked at Sean while she got a syringe and an ampoule out of her bag. "Did he already get something or not? And if so, how long ago? You should have called me earlier."

A quiet moaning came out of Christian's mouth. Sean looked at his friend, concerned. "I don't know how long he already is like that. When we talked in the evening he told me he would go to the club and maybe stay away over night... and to be honest - I was convinced this would be the case. When I came home half an hour ago I instantly gave you a call, because I don't have any painkillers in the house and didn't want to leave him alone. But in the kitchen I found an empty box of Dolo-Meraten... so..." He shrugged. "I really don't know..."

"I see.. would you please help me to turn him on his back?"

Sarah waited until Sean had reached the other side of the bed, then they turned Christian who was trying to get rid of them together on his back. She bent his arm up, palpated at his armpit, placed the needle and injected the liquid into his lymph node which was quite painful.

She managed to get out of the way right in time, before he got free from Sean's grip with a scream and stroke out wildly.

"That's how I like it - I try to help and what do I get as reward? A black eye", she grinned and got up. "He'll feel a lot better soon." She pushed Sean out of the room. "Tell me.. does Christian regularly spend his evenings at the club? What kind of guy is he? I mean... why doesn't he have a relationship? A girlfriend... or does he have one? I just don't understand him... he's a really loner, isn't he?"

"Christian?" Sean looked back, confused." Shouldn't we... okay, okay..." He gave up when Sarah held him back. "Would you like some coffee? I guess I need one..." While he started fumbling at the coffee maker he went on talking. "Christian... he is kind of a playboy. He enjoys life.. at least that's what he's saying...and yes, he often goes to bars and clubs to meet women.. I wouldn't call him a loner, but he's not yet been able to build a family.. if he wants to do this at all. I'm sometimes not sure about that... Why do you ask?"

"Just so... to learn more about him. At least he's my patient, and like I said... he's hard to judge." Sarah took the coffee filter out of Sean's hand. "You should sleep a few hours. The whole thing is very stressful for you. I can imagine that it's not easy for you as you have to do the work of two at the moment... You seem exhausted... go to bed. I'll look after him and play nanny til you're up again. What do you think?"

Sean hesitated for a moment, then he nodded. "Well, okay, you're right... I have an important operation tomorrow - additional to the usual schedule. I'm not able to do this all in time without Christian... to be tired can be dangerous... but only, when it's okay for you..."

...

After the pain decreased Christian had fallen into a deep sleep of exhaustion, from which he first woke up when the sun already shone through the closed curtains into the room.

When he opened his eyes he instantly saw Sarah sitting on a chair next to the bed, a book in her hand, her chin resting on her chest - fallen asleep. She looked cute, he thought, her black hair tousled, wearing a worn out trainings suit... very cute indeed.

Sighing, he stroked his hair back and sat up. Everything around seemed to move but after he kept his eyes closed a moment longer it got better. "Heaven..." he moaned quietly and went to the bath room. When he had passed half the way he heard the book falling down. "Good Morning!" he said without turning around and left the room.

"What?" Sarah blinked, tired and took a look at her watch. "Hey, where... did I fall asleep? Where... Christian?"

She picked the book up and threw it on the bed. "What a glorious night", she grumbled and stretched her back. She left the room and hit against the bath room door when she passed it. "Don't mess around to long. I want to give you another injection before I leave."

She went to the kitchen and started making coffee. "Decaffeinated?" Skeptically she turned the can in her hand while deep wrinkles appeared on her forehead - a good hint for her mood going down rapidly.

"The other coffee is behind the box with oatmeal... Sean has an aversion against caffeine.. I usually don't drink coffee.. but WHEN I do, I need a really good one." Christian stood in the door and followed each and every one of her moves with his eyes. He was still wearing the shirt and trousers from the evening before, just that the shirt was unbuttoned and completely crumpled... and his hair was tousled. "When did you come? I don't remember. Did Sean call you?"

"Yes, he did... around four in the morning." With a triumphant grin she got another can out of the cupboard. "You could have spared yourself a good amount of pain if you had called me earlier. But I guess your male pride kept you from doing so because I turned you down... typically man!"

"Hey.." Christian gave her an insulted look." I thought it would get better on its own... Damn, I never thought that something could hurt so much. By the way.. I tried to call you... but you didn't answer the phone... So far about "typically man"!" He sank down on a chair and watched her. "What kind of problem do you have with me? Or with men in general? Is it because I lost control last week? If so... Though I'm a man, I'm sorry. I'm not afraid to admit that I was unable to deal with the situation. I had nightmares, pain and I was afraid of the future. Okay, okay... " He raised his hands to prevent her from saying something. "I know, this is not an excuse... and I guess you look at it a bit different, because of the experiences you've made with alcohol and its consequences... but.. I'm sorry.. honestly... I'm grateful that you woke me up... and that you helped me..." For a second it seemed like he wanted to add something else, but then he remained silent. If he only almost looked like he felt at the moment, he couldn't blame Sarah for feel like running away.

"Do we again have to talk about something, that doesn't exist?" She got a box with Choco Pops and sat down on his bosom. "I don't have a problem with you nor with your behavior but you have a problem with me. You can't handle that I don't knee down before you, telling you how wonderful you are and begging you to do 'it' again. - typically man."

She put some Choco Pops in her mouth and turned her eyes up to heaven. "Please don't send me away... you're so wonderful... love me... please, I need you..." she scoffed, grinning.

He imitated her grin and shook his head. "You're so wonderful.. love me... please, please, please..." he aped her. All of a sudden he grabbed her and started tickling her so that the Choco Pops jumped out of the box and all around through the kitchen. "You don't have to tell me how good I am... I know it." he joked, laughing. When their eyes met, he stopped. Again he felt this shivering that ran through his body when she looked at him. Confused, he tried to avoid her look. What was it with this woman?

"It won't help you to avoid my look." She put the box aside, then let her fingers run through his hair, pulling his head back, so that he had to look at her. "You're crazy for me. Admit it. Even when you think about touching me you get hard." She slowly approached his lips, let the tip of her nose stroke over his cheek. "It's a pity that you can't have me", she whispered breathlessly and tenderly bit his lower lip.

He fished for her kisses, he wanted more... "Why do you fight so hard against tenderness and warmth?" he quietly asked, while he let his hand glide down her back. "You can't tease me and then..." He sighed when her hand went down. She was right - he was crazy for her. "I want you... now..." he moaned, kissing her all over the face. "You want fun... I can bring you fun. And don't tell me you wouldn't enjoy it..."

"I'll tell you later if I had fun." She took his hand and led him to his room. Impatiently she let her hands run over his body while she pushed him towards the bed. "Come on, don't be shy, Dr. Troy, I wanna feel you..."

Christian let his feelings lead him and tried to satisfy her needs. Wildly, he grabbed her and pushed her down to the bed. He caressed her body, pushed her sweater up and tenderly kissed her belly. Then he got rid of the rest of her clothes, his body shivering from desire when she bowed her hips up towards him. She let him know what she wanted, he didn't have to ask.

They loved each other with the force of a summer lightning, which raged than slowly calmed down to a mild rain, ending in a warm breeze.

Finally they fell asleep; Sarah wrapped in Christian's arms, snuggling against his naked chest, like a child longing for protection and love. The night claimed its toll, but Christian enjoyed it. It was peaceful, even loving in a way. "Don't simply leave again..." he whispered, already half asleep. "I wanna keep you for awhile... just a little while..."

...

When he woke up the pain was back, pulsating steadily through his arm. Worried he looked down at Sarah, who was still sleeping snuggled against his chest... why did this woman fight so hard against any kind of fondness that was more than plain sex? And why felt this thought so familiar to him? He shook his head.

Carefully he tried to get out of her embrace and got up. He let his look wander through the room and finally found what he was looking for - her bag. He knew he would need an injection.. right now before it got worse until he was unable to think clearly. But he didn't want to wake her up. He didn't want to let her see his weakness again, because he got the impression that this was the one thing disgusting her. He didn't want her to go... not now. And if this meant, he had to be strong then he'd know how to keep her from facing any other than the strong, controlled and self-conscious Christian.

He picked the bag and went over to the kitchen where he sat down at the table and searched the bag's content... it didn't take him long till he found an ampoule and a syringe. Then he took a tourniquet and fastened it around his upper arm by the help of his teeth. He tried to concentrate... he had never been good in giving himself an injection, and again he wondered how a drug addict could do it. The fact that he had to do it with his left hand made it no better. With a lightly shaking hand he tried to place the needle and get it into a vein... without success... "Sht!" he cursed and gritted his teeth. "This has to work..."

"What are doing there?"

While Sarah slipped into her sweater she walked over to him. She took a short look at the open ampoule, took the syringe and removed the tourniquet again. "A usual painkiller won't work... why didn't you wake me up?"

She slipped onto his lap, pressed a swab onto the little wound the needle had left on his arm. "Did it just start?" She bent over and kissed him tenderly. "I want the truth - how bad is it?"

"The truth?" He looked into her eyes and tried to find out what she was thinking. He'd never been good in reading minds - maybe because he was too busy with himself. A lie or the truth... lie or truth?

"It's... " he started but then his courage left him. "... not so bad. I just thought... because you said you would give me another dose..." What kind of idiot was he? Was he more afraid she could go than of that terrible pain returning? Did he really think that he could stand it? Maybe it would not get that bad again... at least it couldn't stay that way.

"Pretty bad... I see...", Sarah mumbled and took her bag. "Your partner did surely notice that we... " She prepared the syringe and smiled at Christian sheepishly, "I've never been very talented in leaving a good impression."

She let her hand run over his chest pushed his arm a little bit up and felt around for his lymph node. "It will hurt... sorry."

"What is this..." Christian clenched his teeth to avoid himself from crying out loud. Sweat appeared on his forehead, but he tried to hide it as good as he could."...for?" he finished his question and breathed in deeply. Then he gave her a smile. " At the risk of making a fool of me... I like you very much." The words lingered in the air like soap bubbles , floating a moment before they quietly burst. Insecure, he waited on a reaction from her, which he believed would not be the one he wished.

"It suppresses the nerve conduction - only where it's required." She put the syringe away and curiously looked at him. "I'm a bitch and there's no reason why you should like me." Tenderly she stroke over his cheek and let her finger playfully glide over his lips. "Of course, we feel kind of drawn to each other, and right now I'm like a sheet anchor for you - but it won't always be like that. Soon you will return to your old life and... " She stopped for a moment and tried to swallow the bitterness she felt. "... and I will go on living my life."

Lovingly, he touched her fingertips with his lips. "Why are you so cruel to yourself?" he softly asked. He knew those feelings she was talking about just too well. He felt the same way. "If you're afraid of what tomorrow brings, then stay here.. in the presence... now with me.." He laughed. "Besides - I never liked anybody just because he helped me.. so... hey, I'm a pro. I know what I'm talking about." He grimaced. "And usually it's ME nobody likes... asshole is my second name... so you have any reason to not like me. But..." He smacked the palm of his hand against his forehead. "You never said you would like me, did you? Kiss me..."

With a smile on her face she did what he asked her to, let her lips run softly over his face. She took of her sweater, rubbed her naked body against his chest. She enjoyed his warmth, the touch of his hands and the intensity of her feelings... her longing for him. It was perfect... HE was perfect.

"I have to get Patrick later today, he'd been on a trip to Seaworld... with his therapy group." Leaning back she offered him her breasts. She sighed and closed her eyes. "He'll have a lot to tell. He... I... heaven, who taught you to touch a woman like that?"

With a silent smile Christian went on caressing her flawless body. Yes, he knew what women liked - and to him it was duty and pleasure to fulfill the desires of a woman he had sex with - finding out what she enjoyed most. And he already knew Sarah's partialities. All he had to do was to keep her from shying away again. "Come on!" he whispered and took her hand. "It's much too early to get up." He led her back to his room and from her face he could tell that she didn't fight it any more. She accepted his fondness and he swore that she wouldn't regret it.

Softly he forced her to lie down on the bed. He let his hand slowly glide over her body, massaging her in small circling moves. He could feel the rising tension in her muscles, how she bowed her back and seemed to absorb his tenderness like a dry sponge.

He kneed over her and covered her suntanned skin with his kisses, every little part of her body. When she moaned quietly he lifted his head and smiled at her. Their eyes met and she smiled in return while she let her fingers run through his hair.

A feeling of joy overwhelmed him, he laid down next to her, wrapped his arms around her und held her as tight as he could - for a seemingly never ending moment. He buried his face in her wonderful hair and tried to absorb her presence; anything of her he could get hold of, enjoying her warmth and closeness. "Thank you for staying..." he sighed and softly kissed her hair, remaining in that position for a moment. "It's so wonderful with you..."

Sarah was unable to answer. She felt like running away... like she'd always done before. Men were human devils. They took your heart and tried to destroy it.

Tears ran down her cheeks and she tried to hide her face from him. She didn't want to have these wonderful feelings. Why was he like that? Why did he touch her the way he did and gave her a feeling of security?

For a second she considered to just get up and go, but she couldn't. He held her tight in his arms and it felt unbelievable to be with him

Why did he do this?

'He's caught you, damned fool! He's wrapped you around his finger to finally let you drop and trample around on you. He'll hurt you as long as you can't stand it without alcohol... you're gonna end up like your mother.'

Fear overwhelmed her, made her shiver. Without wanting it she clasped at him helplessly. 'What irony', she thought. "You embrace the devil who will be your downfall.' Why was she unable to go? Why was it so incredible to feel him... to be so close to him?

"Hey.." He looked at her, surprised. With his finger he caught a tear running down her face. "Why are you crying?" He noticed the fear in her eyes... but he didn't understand why she was afraid. Everything was okay. Why did she fight so hard against a relationship that she had to rent men? Why did he have the feeling that he should have understood her... That he knew what was going on inside of her. Yet he couldn't believe she was feeling similar like he did. "Have you ever fallen in love with somebody?" he asked her. "I mean, have you ever liked somebody enough that you wanted to meet him more than once? And if so... what have done afterwards?"

"I moved away." Christian's baffled face made her smile. "No... just joking." She softly stroke over his chest. "I did nothing. Strictly speaking it has only happened once, because I usually chose men who were too different to me to have a relationship."

She looked into his eyes, pulled out of his embrace and rolled on her back. "Like I said before, I'm not up to a relationship and I don't feel like unwrapping my whole private life before you. You're completely right - it doesn't count what was or what might be, just the here and now is important. It's wonderful to be with you... right now."

She kissed him and got up. "And the moments before have been wonderful as well, but I really have to go now."

"Wait..." Christian jumped up, grabbed her waist and drew her close to him. "What's about the injections? When will I need the next one? For how long will I need them? Will the pain go away again...?" He kissed her. "Let me come with you and we can talk about it on the way. Patrick will be happy to see me..." He noticed her indecisiveness. "Sarah, I don't want to hold you... but I won't push you away either... give us the moment..." He looked in her eyes, beseechingly.

"Well, okay... if you really want to run after me." She put her hand on his neck and kissed him. "But it will bore you and I won't be nice to you. You would surely have more fun if you stay here in your bed."

"Okay, I take the risk... my life is boring anyway..." He twinkled at her. "I take a shower. Wanna join me?"


	10. Chapter 10

"Scissors!"

"Mmmh...?"

"Scissors! You shall hand me the scissors!"

"Can I go playing?

Sighing, Christian lifted his head and looked at his new assistant. Patrick let his shoulders droop and blinked helplessly.

"When you're a doctor you can't just stop in the middle and go playing."

"But I'm not a doctor..."

"No, but if so, your patient would have to die."

Distraught, Patrick looked at the cushion that was lying on the table in front of Christian who had tried to stitch two creases. "Is the cushion going to die?"

"No..." Fretfully, Christian shook his head. "It won't... if you give me the scissors now..."

"Okay...

"Okay? Okay..? What's about the scissors?"

Indecisively Patrick starred on the tablet with surgically instruments... and hesitantly took he scissors. "It looks different to the one I have..." he commented while he handed it to Christian.

"Of course... it's an instrument like doctors use it, not for children..." He cut the last thread with an energetic snip and put the instruments aside. Critically he inspected the result... and sighed. "That's veterinarian quality at the most... this won't even get me a flower pot."

"Why do you want a flower pot? There are loads of flowers outside... I've seen the gardener watering them. Should I get some?"

Christian looked at Patrick and stroke through his hear with a smile. "No thanks, Patrick. You've helped me enough for today. Do you want some ice cream?"

Patrick nodded enthusiastically. "Do you have strawberry... and cream? That's my favourite."

"I don't know... but we can have a look. Come on!"

Christian went over to the kitchen followed by his "fosterling" and took a look in the freezer. "Wow, North Pole alarm! I guess I've just seen a penguin waving.", he joked. Patrick laughed. "Hey, here's one of your favorites... can you unwrap it yourself?" With a smile he offered him the ice cream.

"Of course... I'm grown up..." Quicker than Christian could see Patrick had grabbed the ice cream and started unwrapping it.

"Okay, so... Eat carefully and don't soil your shirt or Sarah will be angry, when she comes home. And me... " He looked around. "I'm going to give the wool blanket a face lift..."

...

"Hello, my hero. Do you have fun?"

Sarah let her hand run lovingly through Patrick's hair and looked at the castle made of flower pots build on the sand. Angry toy knights were standing outside and laid siege to it.

"This looks dangerous. And where are your knights?"

Patrick smirked, lifted one of the pots and pointed to the figure under it.

"They keep hidden. And when the enemy comes closer... bum!"

"Good plan, warlord. I'm convinced, that you're going to win the battle. Where's Christian?"

"Inside! Healing cushions."

"Oh no, not again. Sean will freak out when he won't stop operating on any kind of cloth he can get hold of."

Sarah entered the house and when she found Christian she remained silent for am moment and watched him how he was "treating" a blanket.

Over the last two week he had made an impressive progress and he'd used any chance to practice his fine tuning. They had seen each other quite often and sometimes she got the feeling that it had always been like that. She'd tried to end it before it started to become serious but Christian stayed persistent. No matter what she said tom him to prove that they were not meant for each other - he didn't seem to care. He'd just taken her in his arms and let all her doubts disappear by one passionate kiss. He was the devil and he'd put a spell on her.

He look met the blue sofa cushion which had fallen from the couch to the ground and was all covered with sutures and looked very much like personal belonging of Frankenstein. She picked it up, laughing, and picked a piece of yellow foam looking through. "You fastened the guts. Didn't anybody tell you that you have to put them in place before you close a wound? You can't leave it like that." She passed him the cushion. "I'm afraid you'll have to reopen the patient."

Christian sighed. "I know... it is... difficult." He put the instruments aside, got up and went over to her. He took her in his arms and kissed her long and tenderly. "Hello at first..." he welcomed her with a smile and looked in her eyes. "Hey, you have to see the brown cushion..." He looked around, searching the room." Well, I guess it's still in the kitchen... however... I'm convinced that the patient would have survived." He kissed her again. "And how about your patients? Are they fine?"

"I guess, though I'm not sure if I will be able to save the leg of the young man who came in as an emergency today. His tibia was is practically smashed... dozens of fragments... horrible."

She put her arms around his neck and responded his kiss with pleasure. "Thank you for picking up Patrick... and because you're so unbelievably nice I have something for you."

She left the room to come back a moment later with a black suitcase in her hand and a triumphant smile in her face.

"This is the newest... best... most wanted object for young surgeons..."

She opened the container, got out an elastic plastic dummy of a human upper body and put it on the table.

"The good thing about it that you never destroy the whole body just the outer 'skin' which is pulled over", she explained while she adjusted an elastic cover to the frame which obviously should be a wrinkly old woman.

"This patient needs a face lift, breast augmentations and an abdominal lifting. Furthermore we have a broken nose and hair transplantation. You will be fascinated. Everything is very realistic, the skin, connective tissue... vessels... Everything copied from original anatomy.

Christian looked at the dummy with little optimism. "That's cool... it's just... I'm not sure if it's not a bit early for this. I guess I will..." He shrugged, helpless. "... need another four weeks before I even can think about trying. Right now I feel like when I started studying - when I did my first 'surgery' at the body of an eighty year old victim of a car accident... it was horrible." The memory made him laugh. "Trust me."

"Nonsense. You're an excellent surgeon, but you won't make any progress when you keep treating cushions, blankets and old T-Shirs... Anyway - I can't force you to... use this 'thing'."

She gave him an insulted look and grabbed the doll. "Then she'll stay ugly."

"Hey..." He felt guilty. She was doing so much for him and all he could do was disappointing her. He held her back. "That's not what I meant. I... I'm gonna try it, okay?! But I'm not guarantying anything." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her so tight that Sarah started gasping. "Thank you! You're the best!" he grinned and kissed her. "How about that? We take a walk at the beach with Patrick, than we grill some steaks and watch a movie... any you both stay her over night..."

...

Devotional and respectful, like anything he did, he let his look wander over the house of Dr. Sean McNamara.

The night was lightened by the moon's brightness, yet the streets around were silent and lonely. Like a protecting cover the night laid down around him and made him feel powerful and save.

This power was what made him strong enough to do, what he had to do today. It had taken him long until he was able to face what was unavoidable. Today he would make an example... and prove to the world that they had to take him for serious.. that his mission was justified... and that beauty was a curse on the world...

...

Pleased, Christian looked down at the woman peacefully sleeping in his arms. Never before he'd such deep feelings for a woman. He tried to give her a feeling of security and love and she gave it back to him. It was almost as if they both were made for each other. Lovingly he let his fingertips run down her arm, carefully stroke over her tender and barely noticeable hairy skin.

He loved it, he loved her fragrance and how her soft skin felt. He loved her laughter and her dark black silky shimmering hair. He didn't want to miss a single day with her. And for the first time he didn't feel strained and strangled by her nearness and her affection.

Only unwillingly he got his arm free, trying not to wake her up. Just the moment when he thought he'd made it he felt her hand at his arm. With a smile he leaned over her.

"Where do you go?", she mumbled barely understandable and blinked, tired.

"Not far...", he grinned. "I'm thirsty..."

"Come back soon, okay? I'm cold when you're not there to warm me..."

"It's summer..."

"Although..."

He gave her a quick kiss. "I'm back as soon as possible. Promise."

Quiet and barefoot he sneaked over to the kitchen. Once again Sean hadn't come home, supposedly he'd decided to sleep on the couch at his office. But he didn't want Patrick to wake up. He hadn't slept well the last time.

For a moment he stopped in the corridor and listened. Had he heard something? Was Patrick awake?

Silence... everything seemed to be peaceful.

Relieved, Christian continued his way. Supposedly it had just been one of the neighbour's cats hunting mice on the veranda.

...

"Oh no, Christian, what are you doing?"

Sarah rolled her eyes when she heard a loud chattering noise. She got up and slipped into her shirt.

She admired and supported his attempts to use his right hand as often as possible even if he let things drop once in a while, especially heavy thing. But had this to be in the middle of the night when normal people tried to get some sleep?

With a quiet yawning she went over to the room where Patrick was sleeping and made sure he hadn't woken up. It was almost a miracle to her that Christian was getting along so well with Patrick. Sometimes she even got the impression that he liked him. He wasn't like the others, who had suggested to give his brother away to an institution, pointing out that it would be the best for both of them. They wanted her to dump him, because he was inconvenient and because most of the people were not able to handle that Patrick was a child living in the body of a grown up man.

There was still some fear left that Christian would come one day handing her brochures from a so called sanatorium for mentally disabled people; that he would turn away from Patrick and hurt him.

"Stop thinking such a crap, you idiot. He's not like them... certainly not!" she tried to convince herself while she moved on to the kitchen.

"Christian?"

She searched fort he light switch while she narrowed her eyes and tried to see something in the dark. "Why didn't you at least turn the light on? Christian?"

She found the switch but her attempt to turn the light on was useless. "Sht, why doesn't the light work? Christian, where are you? Don't play with me like that. I'm not afraid, come out... Christian?"

The moon shone through the window and filled the kitchen with an unnatural seeming dim light. Pretty scary as Sarah supposed but of course she didn't let it show. She carefully went over to the counter and found what she was looking for. The reason for the loud noise - the fruit bowl which normally stood next to the refrigerator and now was lying broken on the floor.

She bent down and picked up the fragments, then put it on the counter. When she touched something sticky she pulled her hand back in disgust. Critically she looked at it. "What's this...?"

She rubbed it between her fingers and smelled at it just to find her assumption confirmed... it was blood.

"Did you cut yourself... Christian?"

Why the hell didn't he answer?

Unnerved she kicked an orange aside. "Ouch... fck what's that?"

She looked at the floor to find out what had pricked her toe, and picked up a filled syringe in disbelief.

Nervously she turned it between her fingers and tried to understand what was just happening... in the middle of the night in this house.

Could it be, that... would 'he' honestly risk to come back? Where was Christian?

A quiet sound coming from the veranda let her startle and without wasting a thought she opened the upper drawer and got a knife out... the biggest she could find.

"Come on, you damned fcking asshole, I'm not afraid of you", she whispered while she tried to find the source of the sound - armed with a knife and a syringe and overwhelmed by fear.

...

All his body shivering Christian pressed his back against Sean's desk , trying to use it as protection. His was breathing heavily, sweat was gathering on hid forehead.

He refused to think about what might have happened when he'd not seen the reflection of the Carver in the windowpane. Only inches had kept him from being paralyzed by that yellow fluid - and most likely dying this time.

He grimaced, holding his side where a deep cut was silently bleeding. As much as he'd been able to use the moment of surprise - he'd not been able to completely dodge the Carver's sharp blade in time.

After a short fight Christian had been able to overbear his opponent. His fist had hit hard against the Carver's mask and let him go down for a moment. The knife slid over the floor and disappeared somewhere in the dark... unreachable and too far to use it as a weapon.

'The gun!' Christian thought. Sean's gun. He knew that his friend was keeping it somewhere - ready to use - ever since the Carver had attacked him. But where?! He had to find it before the psychopath could hurt him, Sarah or Patrick.

That moment a thought came to his mind... the police... he had to call the police. Hopefully there was enough time left. Without getting up he reached for the phone, trying not to make a sound. By a shaky hand He dialled 9-1-1

The very moment when he heard a voice he noticed a clack and the connection was dead. Filled with panic Christian froze and listened. The Carver must have guessed his intention... and reacted. Just in time Christian could keep himself from cursing loud.

He started searching the drawers of the desk, hoping the Carver would not find Sarah! Dare he do something to her!

Nothing! No gun was there!

His wound was burning and pulsating, but he tried not to pay attention.

The bedroom... of course - Sean would keep the weapon in hid bedroom. That made sense.

Carefully Christian peeked around the desk over to the door. No one to see. He would have to try it when he wanted to prevent anything terrible happening.

As quiet as possible he sneaked barefoot along the wall and checked the corridor. When he was sure that no one was waiting for him he hurried to get to Sean's bedroom.

Where was the Carver? What was he up to? Where did he lurk?

Christian was convinced that an ill criminal would never give in. To be honest he wished nothing more than to get the chance to end it all right here, right now.

He slipped into the dark bedroom. Sean was not there like he supposed what was at least a little relief - at least one save. Why the hell had he asked Sarah to stay. When she'd gone home she'd have been save as well.

It didn't take him long to find the cold steel of the gun. He took it out of the drawer of the bedside table and sighed. For a moment he closed his eyes and enjoyed the relaxing influence of the gun - finally he got something to fight his torturer.

He let his senses wander, concentrated on his hearing and his eyes, when he left the room again, turning towards the kitchen... where was this fuking son of a bitch? Following a spontaneous inspiration he changed his direction and walked over to his room. When he looked through the door his heart almost stopped beating... she was gone.

This was the moment when the worry for her made him giving up any caution. He ran to the kitchen and stopped in the doorway- standing like rooted to the ground

The scenery let him freeze the blood in his veins. Sarah stood at the opened veranda door, starring outside while a dark shadow was approaching her from behind - the knife in his lifted hand.

"SARAH!" he shouted before being able to think one thought. "BE CARFUL!" His arm raised and aimed the dark figure.

Both persons turned around in surprise. When Sarah realized the threat she screamed, starring at the Carver - the shock made her unable to react.

The Carver laughed, grabbed the young woman and used her like a shield. Something fell down to the floor, making a shattering noise. He didn't care. Instead he held the razorblade sharp knife against Sarah's throat and snickered.

"What now, Dr. Troy? What will you do next? Shall I bring you some extra work?" Provokingly he let the edge of the knife run over Sarah's cheek.

Christian was able to see the fear in her eyes and he couldn't take it

"Let her go, you ill psycho!" he said and the calmness of his voice surprised Christian himself. His look went from the weapon to the mask of the Carver back and forth. That he couldn't see his eyes almost drove him crazy.

Worried he realized the knife had left a thin red line on Sarah's skin and for a second he felt dizzy. Nausea threatened to overwhelm him and it took all his will to not let the Carver show that his knees got weak.

"Shoot!" the Carver challenged him with a voice full of derision. "If it comes to it you all are useless... put the gun away and I let her go."

Christian knew the Carver was ginning under his mask, laughing at him for not being able to finish it.

The silence in the room was ear piercing, Christian heard the blood roaming in his ears. Would his arm have been full functional he'd already shot. When he'd been younger he regularly went to a shooting training, but now he was afraid to accidentally hit Sarah.

Again the Carver laughed and with every second the laughter seemed to become more lunatic. He seemed to loose his mind.

Without a warning he hit Sarah hard against her temple, so that she lost consciousness.

In shock Christian watched Sarah going down. Anger grew up but in the same second he realized that this was his chance.

"I'm not here for her! I'm here for you... or better said I'm here because of your friend!" the Carver explained without hast.

Christian's hand was trembling, still pointing the gun on his opponent.

The Carver slowly approached Christian, the shiny blade in his hand... the weapon that had tortured him once. He felt panic rising inside. Why was he unable to shoot?

"Sean didn't follow my instructions, though I warned you both. This time someone will have to die. It's your fault, not mine." Again Carver stepped forward towards Christian, only few feet were between them. Provokingly he stretched out his arms and presented Christian his unprotected chest. "Come on, this is your chance... do it."

Still Christian hesitated, unable to press the trigger of the gun.

"Uncle Christian?"

Christian turned his head in surprise when he heard a sleepy voice calling his name and discovered Patrick in the door, who looked at him, confused.

He realized the move of the carver who lifting the knife in a reflex and let it fly through the air.

Like in slow mode the next few seconds past for Christian. He didn't think long, jumped - turning his back to the Carver, grabbed Patrick and tore him down with him to the floor. The blade flew whirring through the air, looking for his aim, and plunged soundlessly into Christian's back.

Not wasting a second he turned around raised his arm and fired the gun.

The sound of surprise coming from the Carver's mouth, when the bullet hit his chest and threw him back, sounded funny and jeering in one. He fell on the floor and laid silent.

Christian tried breathing but a stitching pain went through his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ignore it.

Sarah moaned quietly and lifted her head.

"Are you okay, Patrick?" Christian asked the boy. Patrick nodded but in his face he could see the confusion and fear. "Everything is fine, nobody will hurt you. It's alright." He had a hint of guilty conscience he left Patrick alone but he had to see the Carver's face. He wanted to know who had caused so much pain and sorrow... to him and all the others.

He crept over to the motionless body and after hesitating a moment he ripped the mask from the Carver's face.

"Dr. Quinton Costa...?" he mumbled, surprised - the surgeon, HE himself had consulted for the treatment of Sean's cut. "But... why?"

"Who?"

Sarah hurried to get to Christian and started examining him for injuries while fighting the dizziness in her own head.

"Blood... everywhere blood... you're bleeding! Sht!" She noticed that Christian threatened to fall on his back and put her arm around him to support him.

"Everything's gonna be alright... don't worry... everything will be fine." Carefully she positioned him on his side and helped him stretching out his body so that he could breathe easier. "You have fcking knife buried in your back."

She palpated the area around the blade and decided to leave the knife where it was because she was afraid it had hurt his lunge and would cause an unstoppable bleeding.

"Patrick, can you walk? I need my cell phone. It's in Christian's room on the bedside table. Can you get it?" She looked over to her brother who starred somewhere at the floor, eyes wide open, and raised his arm to point on something.

"It's okay, you don't have to be afraid. Would you get the cell phone?" she asked again. "What's up with you?"

She followed his look and realized a motion behind her the very moment... the Carver had regained consciousness. She hurried to lay her hand on the handle of the knife and on the hand of the carver who made an attempt to pull the weapon out of Christian's back. With her free hand she tried to fight him off.

"Get your damned fingers off, you monster!" she desperately shouted as loud as she could while hitting him in the face.

When he took his hand off the handle she grinned triumphantly but look on her face changed again when she felt his hands on her throat.

Why were those lunatics so unbelievable strong, she thought while she tried to loose his grip.

Again she hit him in the face, kicked him, but he didn't even seem to notice it. Anger grew up inside her because she couldn't manage to hinder a badly injured psycho from strangling her. Her heart beat fast, increased her blood pressure and caused a painful ticking in her head.

She fought it, not wanting to give in... she had to pull herself together. Suddenly her body felt warm like she would be sitting in front of a chimney, and the face of the Carver started to blur in front of her, her muscles flagged and she felt like any energy would flow out of her body.

A loud scream got her back to reality, mobilized any trace of energy left inside and made her realize, that she couldn't give up. "Patrick..." she croaked. "Run away.. run..."

She felt the floor vibrating when Patrick ran over to them, crying his fear out loud. Driven by courage from despair he attacked the Carver.

For a moment she got free, her lunges filled with air again while only one step away the two men where fighting hard.

Patrick was a tall and strong guy and still he had not the hint of a chance against the stranger. He didn't dare beating him but he tried to hold him. He swallowed the hits in his face, wrapped his arms around his opponent and pressed him down. When he held him down long enough the man would hopefully calm down.

"Get your hands off my brother, you asshole!"

Again and again Sarah kicked the Carver who was punching Patrick like insane while she searched the floor at the same time. The gun had to be somewhere or at least the kitchen knife... where was the syringe?

Just when she thought to have discovered something close to the veranda door Patrick screamed and rolled on the floor, whining.

In panic she crawled in direction of the door but before she could get the thing she felt a hand gripping into her hair Her head was torn back and she looked into the bloody face of the Carver.

"Are you looking for this?" he asked, mocking, and showed her the syringe. "Now I'm gonna finish what I began - and you'll have the pleasure to be the first one."

Christian tried hard to keep his eyes open. He was barely able to follow the fight through the kind of a haze surrounding him but he finally managed to realize what was going on. He felt something hard, uneven under him - the gun.

With all his will left he made his body setting free his last energy supplies. He managed to get on his feet, got up and approached the ill minded surgeon. For a moment he was tempted to shoot him but then he decided not to do so... he turned the gun in his hand, draw his hand back and smashed the handle of the gun down on the Carver's head, full force. The Carver went down, unconscious.

Christian watched the mad falling down to the floor like a lifeless sack. Then he looked at Sarah and their eyes met.

Blood ran out of his mouth when he smiled at her. "I love you..." His voice was just a weak whisper. His legs gave in; he fell to his knees and closed his eyes, exhausted. It was over.


	11. Chapter 11

6 days later

It was disgusting just to sit there, not being able to do anything and listening to the steady beeping of the medical devices.

Sarah started hearing their sound even when she was lying on her bed at home... WHEN she was at home. She was afraid of going home because she feared to close her eyes and live through all this again, or that she could wake up finding Christian was dead.

Sometimes she was sitting here next to his bed, stroking his hand and praying. She prayed to a god she didn't believe in, begging him for just one favor - his live.

She tried to wake up from this never ending nightmare - and she tried to understand why all this had to happen.

The Carver was dead, bleeded to death from the shot in his chest Christian had given him, but still it seemed that he was still holding Christian in his grip. He didn't want to give him free... he wanted to finish his task and take him with him.

Six days had passed since the night and for six days she was sitting at his bed, holding his hand, hoping, he would wake up from coma.

Every evening Sean had stopped by, trying to encourage her. Then he left again to pick up Patrick. Sarah was grateful that he took care for her brother and she was glad, that Patrick was fine overall.

Why had this to happen? Why now and why the man she loved so much? It could have been perfect... why wasn't she supposed to be happy?

Absent, she played with his fingers, while tears ran down her cheeks... like on any damned day when she was sitting here.

"I knew it would not work with us..." she sadly whispered. "I'm not the type of person for a relationship, and I'm a perfect rotter... but you've already found that out yourself. Yesterday Patrick asked, if he may visit you and I guess I can't hold him back much longer."

She snuggled her cheek against his back of his hand and smiled. "He likes you so much. And he wants nothing more than assisting you again healing cushions. Ain't that crazy? He only know you such a short time but loves you so much... like I do."

Carefully she placed her cheek on his arm and tenderly stroked his chest. "It's not fair to conquer my heart and then leave me alone. Don't you miss me? Don't you want to come back... please...don't leave me..."

Every single word she was saying he soaked up, even if he initially was not able to react. Slowly like as returning from a submergence in the sea he drifted up, the sounds around seemed more and more clear, the room didn't seem so far away any longer, same did his feelings and thoughts.

With his eyes half closed he felt for Sarah's hand. He knew she was there. He could feel her being near, smell her fragrance. "I never meant to leave you alone", he mumbled barely audible. "I just was so unbelievably tired... how dare you to say, that us two wouldn't work?" Though his voice was quiet and throaty the indignation in it was clearly noticeable. "You don't mean that, do you?"

"What?" Surprised, she lifted her head and looked at him in disbelief. "You're awake... but... since when?" Hasty she jumped up checked his eyes and his body, not really knowing what she was looking for.

Was he truly awake or was it just another daydream - like so often during the past days? Distrustfully she bent over him, eyed his face and lifted his eyelid a little more to check the reaction of his pupil.

"Hey, you're really happy to see me, aren't you?" He gave her a tired grin. "How about a kiss, Madam Doctor? Or are you playing professional?" He narrowed his eyes and tried to get rid of this nasty veil before his eyes, to be able to take a closer look at her. "Are you okay? And Patrick?"

Hesitating, she let her fingers ran through his hair while she looked at him with eyes wide open. Still she couldn't believe that he'd regained consciousness.

"You're definitely awake?" She bent over him, carefully approaching his lips for a tender kiss. "How dare you asking how we are doing? What do you think, how we feel when you decide not to wake up again?" she whispered reproachfully. "I thought, you would never come back." She laid her arms around his neck and held him. "You worried me so much, Christian Troy!"

He accepted her fondness with a smile. "Did I? I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." He closed his eyes for a second, lifted his hand and let it run through her hair. "I love your hair... did I ever tell you?" he asked quietly. "What's about Costa... did they get him? I just don't understand. It's so..." Helpless, he shrugged.

"Costa is dead; he will never again harm anybody. I don't understand it either how a 'normal' man can go so crazy."

She slipped next to him on the bed, snuggled at him and tenderly stroke his cheek.

"You don't have to thing about it now! Concentrate on recovering or do you want me to rent a man again? Besides - you have an appointment with Patrick. You owe him a huge serving of chocolate ice cream, because he's fought so brave... like a grown up."

Smirking, Christian turned his head and looked at her. "I'm glad that your brother is fine... and you too... I guess otherwise I would have never been able do forgive myself. I mean... this psycho... he destroyed lives, believing to do the right thing... I worked with him. He has performed the surgery on Sean's cheek when I was not supposed to... what irony; he removed his own 'piece of art'." Thoughtfully, he frowned. "There was something bewildering me at that time... he told me he was traveling the third world and war zones... but the tone of his voice was irritating me... I don't know, it somehow sounded strange... but.. this is crazy... my god..." He groaned and tried sitting up. "Okay, so when can I get out of here?"

"Dare you getting up! Keep lying!" She pressed him down again on the bed. "You're gonna stay as long as it's necessary and you will follow the doctor's orders. And when you're behaving well... very well, then I ask if I can take you home sooner. At least I'm a doctor as well and can guarantee professional care. But I'll only do this when you're decorous.. kiss me."

"Well, okay..." He smiled and followed her request. Then he leaned back into the pillow. He was so tired, unbelievably tired... and this though he had slept for so long. Once again he looked her into the eyes while he tried to keep his eyes from closing. "Promise that you'll be there when I wake up."

"Of course... I will... where else should I go... Christian?"

She smiled, stroking his cheek. "But dare you sleeping six days again. I'm a desired woman and don't need to wait so long.. did you hear me? Don't leave me alone for so long.. never again. Sleep well, I'm here and will watch over you. I'll always be here, no matter when you will wake up again. I love you..."

Surprised, Christian opened his eyes once again... this sounded so odd to his ears. 'I love you!' - How deeply had he longed for those words from her mouth.

"I love you too..." he whispered. Yes, for heaven's sake, he loved her.. so much like he never loved a woman in his whole live.

End


End file.
